I wasn't the blonde - for once!

On BBC's website I found an article about old April Fool's Day jokes and there was one about spaghetti growing on trees. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6505837.stm) In one of the replies a man mentions that his grandmother - as a result of this joke - found it impossible to believe that pineapples grew on fields when she later in life visited him in Kenya.

Boyfriend and I commented on how the joke must have left the poor lady traumatized and then I said that I didn't really know how pineapples grow.

Boyfriend laughs and says in a patronising way; "On palmtre...." before going all quiet and red and walks away. And this is where I cried from laughing so hard. I may not know how a pineapple grows or what the plant looks like but I do know that they do not grow on palmtrees!

I have as of 5 minutes ago, acquired the knowledge about pineapple plants and what they look like. All thanks to wikipedia.com

I may be blonde but I'm not always the blonde...




this is a pineapple field...

Good Morning

It is a lovely day here and we had, for the first time in a long time, our bedroomwindow open during the night. We live in the city but the traffic doesn't bother me anymore.

Yesterday was a good day. I got an Easteregg from the student teacher I get along with really well, and a cake from the IT-teacher and a card that a lot of the staff had signed. Which was very nice. I had "crafted" a Easterbasket full of sweets and chocolatebunnies/eggs and decorated it with easter colours. It wasn't too bad considering I am not the most creative person when it comes to crafts and things. They seemed to like it as all the sweets were gone by 3 o'clock.

In the evening Boyfriend and I watched "The Running Man". I hadn't seen it before but I had "seen it before" as it wasn't very original but not too bad, it was entertaining and not as long as the movies are now. I think that 1h 30-40 minutes is a good length for a film that is meant to entertain and especially those with a crap storyline. I do not fancy sitting down for 3 hours watching scenes that clearly should have been cut when editing. Well, that's what I think anyway.

I don't know what's on the agenda today - the weather is lovely although that might change. We talked about perhaps going to the Fat Cat for lunch and their apple-pie is to die for... Yum yum yum!

Last day!

I am FREEEEEEE!

Usch!

Had to activate the SafeSearch on Google as a bit more than what I wanted/needed to see came up as a result for my search on "flowers". I guess you can call it a flower. "What's in a name", huh?

usch!!

Another night on my own..

.. but it's the last one! Boyfriend's last night on call - for this time - so on Saturday we're going to have a nice cuddle in bed in the morning and only get out of bed in time to got to the Fat Cat - our local pub - for a nice Saturday lunch. I can't wait!

I spoke to mommy today. She was in quite a lot of pain, they'd only given her useless painkillers but she was going to ask for something to sleep on. She was really upset that she had been told, on the op-table, that they were not going to "put her under" properly so she was awake while they were rooting away/giving her a new hip. She said she was so shocked that she couldn't believe what they were doing. At first they had headphones on her but didn't bother changing the CD when it had finished playing so she heard them sawing! It was also supposed to take only 2 hours but lasted 4,5 due to her hip being so damaged and all that took its toll on my mom, who like me isn't too happy about hospitals and needles and whatsits. But she said she was really happy because my dad was there when she woke up this morning and he had brought a massive bouquet of roses. Isn't that sweet?

I had a stroll through town on my way home from work today and but a lot of sweets and a fruitbasket. And with that I've made an "Easterbasket" for all the staff at school tomorrow as it is my last day!!

I was beat this morning so I'd better get to bed and have a proper night's sleep. I found myself sleeping sprawled across the bed in a manner that says that I was used to sleeping alone for a long time... I miss him though - he always gets up to get my raggsockar if my feet are cold or if I need a blanket or a glass of water and he saves me from my nightmares... can he be a better boyfriend?

God natt

Kiwi

I'm a right nice girlfriend

For those fortunate not to have been in the area where I work - for now - the Kids have a tendency to put the word "right" in front of e v e r y t h i n g!

"He's right naughty today, Miss" or "I've been right good today, Miss" or " I deserve a right nice merit/prize draw slip, Miss" or "You're right funny, Miss". Granted that the last comment hasn't happened too often with certain classes but with some.

And as with a lot of things: I am impressionable and partly because I find it "right" funny, I've taken up on using it as well. It does annoy the hell out of me but it can be quite cute when the little ones say it. Boyfriend laughed himself silly the first time I accidentally said it.

The phrase "right naughty" has come up once or twice since ;-)

Anyway, the reason I think I'm a good girlfriend is that I tonight came along and watched Boyfriend play football. I don't like football and I think they all should get a ball each instead of running after the one they've got, especially as some get really upset and it scares me as I fear one of them will die of anger.

I have come along several times before but stopped as the other guys says I'm bringing bad luck and make them loose. It's not my fault they suck, though, and that's what I said today. It didn't really increase my popularity but who can be bothered about what a bunch of hyped, footie nerds think?

Boyfriend is [not] a nerd though and sadly I missed his goal as I was busy reading the latest gossip/fashion in my fave magazine Grazia - I think I was engrossed in an article about shoes.

Boyfriend's gone to work and I don't think there's anything on telly so I might get into bed with one of my new books "Neverwhere". It seems to be a good one. I'll let you know.

Sleeping beauty

Boyfriend's sleeping and I'm by the computer. Am not working today as I spent most of the night throwing up. I have a sensitive tummy and 3 jalapeños last night seems to be a good way to get out of work for a day.

I know, I'm not ill-ill, but I haven't slept that much and I didn't fancy going in feeling like a flushed hamster.

Computer's playing Sara McLachlan's "River" and darn, it is good. I have headphones on just to make sure I don't wake/annoy boyfriend (he hates this sort of music). Am I not the most considerate girlfriend ever?!

If Boyfriend wants to sleep longer than 15.00, I think I'll take a walk into town with his creditcard, obviously, and see if I can find a nice top that'll go with the skirt I bought last Saturday.

Flowers

Spring is here and with that all that comes with it. Sunshine and clearblue sky one minute and next time you have a peek through the window it's overcast and rainclouds are moving in.

There are trees in full bloom and on the side of the road you can find some crocus determined to live despite the lack of fresh air, perhaps to make us see the pretty colours and appreciate the beauty of life and nature if only for a minute as we stress and rush from one thing to the next.

I love flowers. I love the smell and feel of flowers. Some are delicate to touch whereas others can be a bit prickly and in need of not being touched. Very much like people, I guess. Flowers can represent someone we love, someone we've lost and miss or feelings we have but cannot put to print or in words.

I've decided to plant a rosebush on my pony Maja's grave when I go home next week. It'll thrive as it's a perfect position for it and it's a fitting flower as she used to eat all the rosebuds from the bush on the yard despite our attempts to keep her away from it. I miss her. She was my "flower".

True

"When a woman who has much to say says nothing,
her silence can be deafening."

Anna and the King (1999)

Heads down, thumbs up...

worked today - again, but now it's only 3 days left!! It was alright, had some nasty students (y8) and I really can't see them survive in the "real" world - someone's going to get fed up with them and simply make sure they'll never bother them again. If you know what I mean. It will, however, not be me as I can't be bothered sorting them out in 3 days. I am "right" perky tonight...


Am home alone - again. Boyfriend is working night and have a full ward to look after. I have an empty bed to look after so I think I'm better of than he is tonight. He had his GP interview today and he says he feels ok about it. I hope we get to stay in Sheffield but if we don't: well, we'll just have to move somewhere else. It'll be fine.

Spoke to mom and dad earlier. Dad was at home resting his hand (finger), he had some surgery a couple of weeks ago sorting out scar tissue on his pinkie and it is apparently "bloody painful" and since my dad never, ever says that anything hurts (unloaded tractor wagon and drove home from the forest when a log fell and broke his wrist years ago) I assume it must be absolute agony. Probably enough to make me stab myself to death with a plunger. And when I say "resting" and "dad" in the same sentence, I obviously mean that he hasn't planted a garden/built a house on that particular day.

I also spoke to mom, she's at the hospital waiting for her hip-replacement surgery that is scheduled for tomorrow. She is a bit worried and in severe pain but at the same time "eager" to get it over with and hopefully get better use of her "new" hip than what she gets from the original one. She's got her own room and that's nice and relaxing for her. It's not often you get the chance to get painkillers by the press of a button - and it's not as if it's the sort of painkillers you have at home (normally). My dad promised to phone/txt as soon as he knows how it went.

I'll be going home next week for Easter and to help out with whatever the "oldies" need help with. I now it's not needed, my dad and brother can sort it all out by themselves but a little help goes a long way. + I really long for some "dog-company"!

Daylight savings is a good thing, I know. But until you've gotten into the whole "get up an hour early" thing, it's a pain and I don't like it at the moment but it'll get better. I do prefer the bright, early summer mornings to late, dark winternights.

Anyway, I'm off to bed - alone!

hej

It is, supposedly, absolutely amazing spring weather in Sweden! It's a shame it isn't as nice here. I really could have done with sitting out in the sun and just relaxing. There are few things that are as nice as the first bit of "proper" sun and warmth. People here don't seem to understand what I'm on about but perhaps it's because I'm from Sweden and our winters can sometimes feel a bit grotty?

Today is the first day of my last week at school/work and I'm really pleased about it. I have not, for a second, regretted my decision so I take it as I did the right thing. Yeay!!

Anyway, had better be off and prepare for my next "lesson".

Another Saturday Gone

Well, Boyfriend's watching Match of the Day (urgh) so I decided to do something else i.e. write another entry to my blog.

I bought some new stuff today. 3 pairs of shoes (2 flat an 1 high-heeled pair) and 2 t-shirts. There were soooo many people in town it was disgusting! I was fed up after 1(!) shop so I decided to go back home. Boyfriend then decided to take me to Meadowhall so I could buy the skirt I'd been looking. I didn't buy that skirt but one that was equally nice and not as expensive and actually a better fit. Boyfriend bought 2 pair of jeans, Diesel and French Connection.

When we got back we (I) made dinner, grilled salmon with lemon and a salad with Mediterranean bread + an avocado with a caviar/crème fraiche sauce. Yummy! Boyfriend cleaned everything afterwards. While we had this delicious meal we watched Shaun of the Dead and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Anyway, I am really tired and ought to go to bed. It's daylight savings which means we'll get 1 hour less sleep tonight and as I have a tendency to wake up quite early which annoys Boyfriend. As if I can help if I get bored being awake and wanting to have a chat and a cuddle. He's not very perky in the mornings, funnily enough.

Oh, here's a bit of thought for you:

The Jamaican police force must be a wee bit embarrassed for claiming Bob Woolmer died of natural causes when in fact he had been strangled!! tut tut tut. Shame on you! I hope the poor man's death is resolved and that the assailants will be caught. Perhaps we'll never know why he was killed. A part from the fact that his team had lost the game against a side that wasn't supposed to be very good and we all know how upset some sportmen/fans can be when their team loose.

Good night, sleep tight - don't let the bedbugs bite!

Hot Fuzz

Last night we went to watch Hot Fuzz - again. And it was just as good this time, if not better as I actually saw a lot of the hidden gems i.e. when they're in the supermarket and Danny is looking at some cheap DVDs and you can see Shaun of the Dead box in the box. Funny. + some people from Spaced are also in there.

Brilliant!

Didn't do much "Kaching" yesterday so I might take a stroll in to town. Boyfriend and friend are busy practising for interviews that are coming up this week. I'd better leave them alone.

Take care

What's nice..

... is that I have Boyfriend's creditcard and I'm going "kachiing" after work!

Yeay!!

A bright future.

I was just told to f**k off by a student. A lovely boy (note sarcasm). He was angry over the mark I gave him on his conduct form which was due to him being late and basically not doing any work.

The sad thing is that I don't react anymore, it's a part of the job, apparently. Sir in the other classroom came to check on me and told me I had to report it as the boy will need to be excluded for one day. It's something, I guess, but I doubt it'll make this particular boy behave himself better next time.

And I can't be bothered to care. Perhaps I will "f**k off" but it'll be somewhere where these Kids won't be and that's just fine by me.

Will the rest of the day be better?! I hope so but I'll live if it won't.

Yesterday

Thursday was one of those day when everything - at work - felt useless. But then Boyfriend met up with me in town and we went to out fave cafe where I had a Bacon, Wensleydale cheese and Mango Chutney sandwich with a side-order of wedges with hummus and mayo dip and a diet coke in a chilled glass. The food and he company made life make sense!

After that we had a stroll up to Fopp where I bought 2 books. For some reason I was really intrigued of a book about salmon-fishing but I opted out as it was quite expensive but perhaps nex time.

I was alone last night as Boyfriend was working night and I didn't do what I was suuposed to do - tidy up the flat - but I had a nice chat with my mom instead. She's a bit worried about her hip replacement on wednesday, bless her, but she was also very philosophical about it: "It's just a le and I haven't got much use of it as it is now anyway and at least it's not soemthing worse i.e. cancer". And I guess that's one way to look at it.

Only 5 more days at work after this and I can't wait!!

ambitions right now..

1. look for a new job (after Easter or something like that)
2. Find that job is the dream job I've been waiting for all my life
3. be disappointed when things (job) don't turn out the way I want to
4. Get a dog. I'm even considering a "rescue" Greyhound! They're nice and laid back
5. be able to get songs "into my mobile"
6. or not bother about mobile and just get a pink mp3-player instead
7. buy that really nice skirt from Monsoon despite it's too expensive
8. Kick Boyfriend's arse in squash - or at least whack him with the racquet
   
9. Really hard!
10. Twice!!
11. Get absolutely shit-faced - sooner rather than later!

See, should be fairly easy to sort all that out. Especially no's 8-11!

Puss

just a note..

... on how things have been. It's been ok. I have had a good day and my fears/concerns (whatever) have been correct. A spoke to a student-teacher today and she said she feels the same way about the school. It's a rough and nasty atmosphere and nothing seems to be done about students and their behaviour.

She also agreed on what i said about some of the teachers. They are nice but they seem worn out and laissez faire -at the age of 28 - about their work. We both cam to the conclusion that it won't feel better after a year (which is what everyone says), it seems to get better because you get use to it and no longer cares as it takes more effort trying to sort things out rather than just "going with it". The kids misbehave because they know they can get away with it and that's not a school I'd like to work in.

+ the pay is horrible for the sort of job we do. We should get extra for being in such a nasty and unhealthy environment. Any other job would have been closed down for being "unsafe" and run down building-wise and staff-wise.

She had also experienced that they said she'd had a "great" lesson when in fact she knew/felt that it had been total bollocks. This is one of the reasons to why I decided to quit. If I feel it's gone down the drains and other comment on how "brilliant" I'm handling it then it makes me wonder what their standards are like? I can also feel -after 5 months - that I can't really be bothered to bother (if that makes sense). I know that would make me a crap teacher and I know I am a good teacher and can get even better. I'm mostly upset about how this experience have made me question my abilities and future within the world of education - and I really like it!

It was nice to have my opinions confirmed by someone else.
I've only got a bit more than a week. Yeay!

Old Man and Pigeons

People who know me well know that there are few animals that I don't like. At the top of that list (and perhaps the only ones) are: pigeons and worms!

The worm-thing can be dated back to when I was about 7 and a boy in my class -N. F - showed off (??!) by putting a worm on his tongue and then he swallowed it! I still remember it as if it'd just happened. And when they are all over the roads when it's wet... urgh! I have actually missed a bus or two due to there being too many worms lying around and me having to walk around them. Not to mention the smell! Some people may remark on the fresh smell after a summer's rain, but I can smell worms! I do know that they are extremely important for the soil and I don't want them to be gone but it doesn't mean I like them.

And pigeons...

creepy birds littering the cities begging for food, flying right over your head. I'd rather hold a bunch of worms in my hand than be anywhere near a pigeon. Filthy things...

I had the opportunity to go to Krakow when I was 18, sent by my school, and one afternoon when all of us (a trip organized by the Red Cross) were walking across a massive square a woman, completely covered in pigeons - and pigeon poo - walked up to us and demanded us to pay to feed her birds.
As anyone with a slight phobia knows: things like that can be a bit scary and I freaked out from having a flock of pigeons so close to me, so I jumped and screamed a little (not much) and that, of course, scared the birds and made them fly away which freaked me out even more and the lady got angry and shouted at us for scaring her birds. We ran for our lives.

The image of the birds flying over my head and a woman covered in pigeon poo still haunts me.

Anyway, what I was meaning to say was that there are major problems with pigeons in the city. They have obviously no notion about the meaning of "personal space" and they litter everywhere. Fair enough, they eat food dropped by people (they're too lazy to put trash in bins provided in England) and I guess you can say they keep the streets clean-ish.

I was walking home from town, having bought a newspaper for Boyfriend, and what do I see?! A man is coming out from a shop where he's bought loads of nuts, he then proceeds to throw the nuts on the ground -obviously to feed the pigeons - and the be-winged filths came running from all over. I swear, they can hear the drop of a nut from across the city and when I say "running" I mean "running" as they're too fat to fly! It was pure hell, pigeons everywhere! This time, however, I managed to stay calm but I gave the man the Evil Eye as he walked past me.

So people, I know you mean well but please; pigeons in the city are fat!! and they don't need any more food. If they eat, they poo and I bet that by Sod's Law, it won't be you they poo on but me! And I don't like pigeons!

PLEASE!

Early start

Boyfriend had forgotten to enable his alarm and it was just pure dumb luck that I woke up 35 minutes before he had to be a work. It could have been ugly- sick people don't wait - and it wouldn't have been fair on the person working night.

So I "had" to get up and prepare/pack his lunch. Nothing exciting, just a pair of teacakes with ham, cheese and chutney and a banana, a pack of crisps and 2 diet Pepsi.

As for myself, I had a Twix-finger which is a great start of the day. Later on I'll probably have a wander up town (5 min to city centre) and buy a newspaper and a magazine so I have something to read later on today.

I didn't do much cleaning yesterday - I couldn't be arsed. Sadly I'll have to make up for it today cos I know I'll be too tired during the week and we've sort of planned to go to the cinema. They're having a small filmfestival called "Move Over, Ozu" at the Showroom.

Anyway, I can sit here and tell myself/you what I should do but it won't get done...

Have a great Sunday!

I need to...

...learn how to write short messages.

To Find a Poet

I used to hate poetry, I didn't understand it - couldn't be bothered analysing it. I mean, how on earth was I supposed to be able to figure out exactly what the author meant when writing? Did the person in question write notes in the margin on how/why things were written or meant to symbolise? No, and how should I - after x number of years - be able to understand?

I think school played a major part in me not liking it (bear in mind that I am now a teacher myself). We were given poem after poem that reflected authors and different times and I just didn't get it. I'm not even sure I wanted to understand it. It was dull stuff at a time when everything was supposed to be fun and not to mention the fact that someone told us to read it - we were, after all, teenagers and being told what to do did sometimes create the opposite effect.

Then something happened. It was while at Uni. I was bored senseless with all the different stuff we had to read (some of it was just plain awful i.e. Hanif Kureishi's Buddha of Suburbia) and one of our teachers decided to read a poem by W. Wordsworth (The Solitary Reaper). And I was just blown away. It was fantastic and hearing it being read by someone who knew how to read it made all the difference to me and it still remains to be my favourite poem.

I must admit, however, that my search for poets/poems has been fairly stagnant. I read some stuff and some I liked and some I didn't like. A while back, I was at home and a girl on telly was singing the most fantastic song. I searched for her music and realised that the lyrics were in fact poems by a Swedish poet called Dan Andersson. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Andersson)

I have now read a fair few of his poems and they are absolutely fantastic. I've always loved reading books but this is just like discovering a completely new and uncharted territory despite the fact that it has always been there right in front of me!

I am astounded by his work and can't wait until I go home for Easter and can actually buy a book with a collection of his poems so I can read them "properly" rather than having to search for them on the Internet.

What is it that makes us understand things we didn't before? Is it as simple as having lived those few extra years or is it what we experience during those years? Surely the mere number of years aren't enough to make me "get" poetry and I must say that I don't feel as if I have lived through anything special that would kick-start my poetry-reading-skills (they were admittedly absolutely s##t).

It doesn't really matter though, does it? But it does fascinate me . I honestly think I was too young, too naive and simply hadn't had time to experience life in the way that I needed to. I always thought I was too dumb to get it but I hope not and as I have been proven wrong about poetry I can only hope that it means that I am not as dumb as I made myself believe.

It is doubtful that I, from now on, will love all sorts of poetry and understand all of its meanings but just maybe I'll be able to find more that I like and if I don't? Well, in that case I think I can be happily satisfied with what William Wordsworth and Dan Andersson managed to pen during their lifetimes.

Ems -
who's found her poet(s)

Saturday

Boyfriend is at work today (and tomorrow) from 8.00-20.00 which means that I am home all alone. Poor me ;)

Anyway, it's ideal to get some stuff sorted out when he's away. I need to hoover, tidy up, iron (urgh) and everything else that should have been done during the week. I do have 2 days to do it on so i might just be extra lazy today!

Have a nice weekend!

A good day

I had, as the title suggests, a good day at work today. The Kids were alright and I even had a Y11 boy asking me out. Although I found that more amusing than anything else.

He started off by being a bit naughty and me telling him off for it and then he said something about the two of us dating and I said something about me rather killing myself... He then said that my eyes were "The most beautiful eyes" he had ever seen and that "they match your blonde hair Miss"! My response was "Thanks, but what does that have to do with anything?".

The poor boy, bless him, tried another approach by using one of the most horrible chat up lines to ever have been spoken: "D'you know what, Miss? You look very much like my next girlfriend!"

I was unsuccessful in trying to stifle the laugh that came bubbling out and told him to never, ever use such horrible lines in the future as they wouldn't work and if ever they were to work, would he like dating such a girl? But I said that he could try it and perhaps it might work with a girl that wasn't as old as I am.

I should have known better than to drag up the subject of my age as the whole class joined in on the "Guess Miss's age" game. I had everything from 19 (!?) to 40 - although this was said very jokingly and I muttered something about that kid getting a 40 minute detention, much to everyone else's delight. The boy who liked my eyes refused to believe I was older than 19 (maximum 22) and when I told them my age he cried out "For f###s sake, my mum is 30! Are you telling me that you're only a few years younger than my mum?! Nah, you can't be any older than 19..." And on he went...

I think I shocked him but he seemed satisfied after that and they all settled apart from a girl who wanted to know what moisturiser I use. I guess that must be the highest praise of them all, huh?

They can be lovely but it's not enough with one day of lovely students - I know all too well how some of them behave... btw, another teacher told me today that the best "threat" is to say that the school/me would call their mum's as some kids seem to have very strict mothers. But I don't want to have to threaten them with their mothers - that seems a bit wrong... But what do I know??

Right'o. I'm off to Bedfordshire
G'night!

Långsamt

Why should I try to explain if someone's already said it a million times better than I ever could?

Jag har kommit att röra
mig långsamt
Det har sina olika skäl
Benen känns inte lätta
Lusten finns inte där

Jag har kommit att sluta försöka
Känslan är full av besvär
Magen den blir liksom ihopsnörd
Flödet finns inte där, men...

Långsamt leder också någonstans...

Jag har kommit att
fastna i mönster
Där ett steg fram
kostar tre steg bak
Där att vakna på fel sida
Det är ingen ovanlig sak

Jag har kommit
att jagas av tiden
Hon går i ett tempo
som inte är mitt
Mina dygn är mycket, mycket längre
Där skiljer vi oss vitt, för...

Långsamt leder också...

Och jag vill skrika högt
över hela världen
att jag kan andas av mig själv
Och jag kan flyga runt vintergatan
Och ta ner månen om ni vill
Men jag vill vara i lugnet inom mig

Långsamt leder också...

Bags...

... are my weakness. Big bags, small bags, colourful bags, ugly bags, useful bags and not so useful bags. Whatever it is and as long as I like it/them: I've just got to have it!

Boyfriend sighs and mumbles something about "crazy women" and "why do you need so many?"I cannot answer the question to why I need to have so many. I really don't need more than a couple but...

I just can't help myself. They make me happy and they smell nice when they're new and just because a specific bag is fine one day doesn't mean it'll work the next day. It's all about mood - and outfit.

There are few things that can annoy me more than when I don't feel happy about a bag that I'm using and a girl in the same circle of friends has got one that's really nice and one that she seems happy - but not bothered - about. Highly annoying.

What is it that makes me/girls so nuts about bags? Is it some kind of primal need we've got? "If I have a nice bag/something to put all my stuff in, a big alpha male will provide for me?"

Is it our way of saying "See, I've got a nice bag and that means I will supply you with good offspring"? If so, has anyone ever met a guy who claims to have noticed a girl due to her handbag?! And in that case, has there ever been a girl who has pursued a relationship with above mentioned guy?

Perhaps I've led a life as a marsupial. It would be quite handy. Just shove the kid and everything else that's important in there and off you go if you get bored. And (!!!) you've got both hands free for whatever you need them for.

Perhaps that's what future will bring to us - built in bags - although at that point it will be forgotten that marsupials where way ahead of us and we'll take credit for such a revolutionary invention/accessory. God, aren't we just such egos?

How did get we get from bags to marsupials and futuristic accessories?? Well, that's what it's like to be a blonde philosopher: you never know what will pop up.

Right, I'm off to bed.

A proper laugh

I laughed so hard earlier on tonight that I was on the floor, literally. It was just something that was quite funny - I've promised Boyfriend not to tell - but somehow it just grew and grew until it was unstoppable. It was nice and something that was badly needed. And it made Boyfriend really happy to see me laugh and that made us laugh even more. Sometimes it's the simple things that makes life worthwhile.

A Catalogue of fears

• Anablephobia Fear of looking up
• Aulophobia Fear of flutes
• Chorophobia Fear of dancing
• deipnophobia Fear of dining or dinner conversations
• Ephebiphobia Fear of teenagers
• Genuphobia Fear of knees
• Koumpounophobia Fear of buttons
• Linonophobia Fear of string
• Lutraphobia Fear of otters
• Mnemophobia Fear of memories
• Peladophobia Fear of bald people
• Pteronophobia Fear of being tickled by feathers
• Rhytiphobia Fear of getting wrinkles
• Syngenesophobia Fear of relatives
• Xerophobia Fear of dryness

Source: The Observer Magazine 11 March 2007

I did it!!

I actually did it! I quit my job and for the first time in ages, I feel as if I can breathe again. Well, I still have 3 more weeks to go but then...

My weekend was spent debating why I should/shouldn't quit but Sunday night I finally made up my mind and I slept like a baby which I think is proof of me making the right decision.

They were nice about it and will give me a nice reference as I am, apparently, well liked and that was nice to hear.

You have no idea how good I feel about it and now I just need to find a new job.... hhmmm.
Oh well, another day and another problem and I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Cheers

Saturday/Sunday

I've had a nice weekend despite several panic attacks about the whole job-thing. David (the Boyfriend) and I discussed it and he's had enough of me being driven towards the edge of insanity - if I'm not already there - and frankly, so have I.

But I don't know how to do it, I've never quit anything before and am I doing something stupid and will it come back and haunt me later on?! But as David so intelligently put it: "you're not leaving as a failure but but on a good note, they've asked you to do more demanding things cos they've been happy with what you've done so far...". And in reality, would they have offered me the job if they didn't think me capable of succeeding? I don't think so. So when I quit, I'll have to tell myself that it is at the right time to do so - before I go absolutely bonkers.

There's one scary thing though: I feel as if I've been doing a s##t job and they think otherwise - what are their standards?

Never mind, I do want to get out of there and soon! I can't wait until the day when my stomach doesn't hurt and I don't cry at night over the prospect of it soon being morning and I have to spend another day with little monsters. Such sweet joy to have a smile on my face when I get back in the afternoon!

Well, a girl David used to work with is coming over for a "cuppa", so I'd better be off and prepare tea and cookies/biscuits.

bye!

Finally weekend!

We went to a pub last night with 2 of our friends. We had no intention of going "out" afterwards so it was nice to just have a good chat and a glass -or more- of wine.

Just outside the pub a group of young boys were sat - and our male friend shouted "Miss" and added my surname (which is very original as it's a Swedish name) and the kid looked up and I realised that they were from the school and some of them being quite naughty. I just laughed and said "Hiya", what else could I say or do?

It was kind of fun but I might have to find another pub to go as it might get a bit awkward if I'm bitching about work and parents are hanging out there. I didn't even reflect over it as the pub is another part of town but anyway...

And don't ask me if I quit or not. I had a further offer about staying on - higher pay etc. I said I'd think about it. I'm not so sure if it's worth it, thinking about it today. We'll se how things go over the weekend etc.

gotta go.

I am feeling...

... a bit better now that I've had some time to calm down and relax. I still want to quit though...

I was rooting around on the internet and "found" a song that I quite enjoyed. It's a remix so I decided to check out the original as well which isn't bad at all but for this particular song, I think I prefer the remix... it's called Dirty South vs. Evermore "It's Too Late".

I'll try to post the song on here later on but right now I'm off to watch "Crufts" on BBC.

I want a dog!

byee

I just want to add that...

...I'm not a schizophrenic but I do understand if people think so considering the 2 posts below. This "I hate my job" isn't new as such, it's been going on for some time and today just happens to be the day where I have had enough and I really don't want another day like it.

byee

Why?!

Why, oh why do some people decide to have children when they clearly aren't interested in the actual raising part of it?!

I work at a school, have spent numerous years at college and uni to be a teacher and absolutely loved working at my old school. I am a damned good one at that (says my old students and employer). But today... let's just say that I've had enough working at this particular school and will hand in my notice tomorrow, unless something magical happens tonight or if I'm too chicken to actually do it.

I know it's stupid to do so without having another job lined up (I'm not one of the world's richest people) but I can't take it any more. I am obviously not cut out to work with kids of this calibre. I wish them all the best (they're going to need it). All I want is a job that I enjoy, or at least one that doesn’t make me want to kill myself. That isn't really too much to ask, is it?

People who know me know that I am not the one to give up at first sign of trouble or obstacle but I do think that it'd get the better of me if I stay much longer. The senior management says that I do a really good job and wants me to take on more responsibility but I don’t like me when I’m working. I don't like the way I have to be to get the kids to do their work. I don't like the way I feel about them. It is not me to be so cold and uninterested about other people and their lives, which is also something that upsets me.

I must also think of Boyfriend. I am not “Ems” at the moment. I am someone who is constantly upset and need constant attention and reassurance. I am someone who panics when the alarm goes off in the morning and at Sunday evenings. My Boyfriend is an angel, he has put up with my every outburst and all my mood swings and he hasn’t complained one bit! I think he deserves a better girlfriend than that and I want to be “her” and I think I know how I can be that again.

It’s not really a predicament, is it? But then why do I feel so useless, like a failure and a quitter? Work vs. no work. Work vs. sanity. Work vs. Boyfriend. Work vs. me

I choose me ;)

A sort of good day

I had a strange day at work today. It was time for Academic Review and all teachers had a set schedule and the rest of us where to help wherever. I was put on faculty support and had to make sure that no students were hanging around the hall where an exam was taking place and that students that had been to see their form tutors weren't lingering about causing trouble.

Anyhow, it was nice and relaxing in the morning and in the afternoon I was sent to a computer room to supervise/help students with their coursework. All that was fine but... in the midst of it all, the vice head teacher came to see me. This was something unexpected and a bit scary as she is a very intimidating woman. She then asked me if I could consider filling in for a teacher who's leaving after Easter, it would involve 10 periods a week + planning and marking etc etc. I thought it sounded ok as it's actually nicer to know in advance where you are to be spending your day and not having to race around school like a greyhound.

All this means that I would have added responsibility and therefore I asked if that would "show" in my pay (my pay sucks!), she answered by laughing and said that that isn't very likely to be the case (but she'd ask) and that she, if I said no, would just put me down as normal cover anyway so I would have to do these classes no matter what. Well, so should I spend my own time planning and marking stuff and not get paid extra for that and not show any "goodwill" towards a struggling school? Or, should I just say "thanks but no thanks, just put me down as normal cover and I'll do whatever the head of department tells me to do?

I, in my opinion, already think my pay stinks compared to the job I do and the prospect of having more responsibility for nothing in return (but their eternal gratitude - which I'm not too bothered about) isn't all that appealing to me. I guess I'll see what happens and what their decision is before making my mind up.

But the weather's been great and I had a lovely chat with one of the science teachers and we bitched about some of the nasty students that just don't want anything but trouble for themselves. I like having a proper rant and then laugh about it, it makes me feel better.

Tonight we're off to try a new restaurant in the (our) area with two good friends (married). The place seems nice and it'll be nice to go somewhere new as Boyfriend and I usually go to our favourite restaurants...

It's time to tidy up the flat and watch some daytime telly.

byee

Forgetful

There's this Swedish site that I came across just the other day and it is sooo funny. It's called tjuvlyssnat.se (eavesdropped) and are snippets of conversations that are really funny. I laughed the kind of really nice-genuine-and not so often laughed-laughs and it was needed! I thought I's share one that I found fantastically funny but perhaps that's just me?!

Two girls at a coffee-house are talking about a guy who got a bit too drunk on a night out.
Girl 1: And he fell asleep on the steps outside the apartmentbuilding. He was lucky the neighbours called the police, he would have frozen to death. It was about -10 C!!
Girl 2: No, he wouldn't have frozen to death, he was drunk and everyone knows that alcohol doesn't freeze.

byeee

Reasons

There are many reasons why a person ought to have a blog and there are just as many reasons to why they shouldn't. I've been pondering over this for quite some time and finally decided to just go ahead with it. I can, after all, just stop writing if I want to.

I'm in my late 20's although I feel younger and I am not native to England. I moved over last year after having spent too many years in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend. It's been great and I feel as if I'm settling in more and more. But - there's always a but - there are things I really miss about Sweden and things I really don't like about England and those things will most definitely be ventilated here from time to time.

I am, as the title of my blog suggests, interested in both philosophy and religion (all sorts) and it will most certainly come up at one point or another but on my level and in whatever state of mind I am at that very moment. I, like most people, have my ups and downs and it very much depends on what sort of day I've had. And oh my world, some of the days I've had lately! There's too much to explain it all but I'm sure it will be mentioned more than once on here.

Anyways, I just had to write something or it might never have happened... I hope this will turn out to be worth reading and if not: never mind, it might be good to get things "off my chest".

See 'ya!