Cold Love

I have come to realise that when your child gets a cold, you get one too. And it's no wonder with the snotty kisses, in-your-face-sneezes, wanting to feed you a soggy piece of pancake and the nose to nose morning snoozes.

How could I refuse any of the above [yucky as some of it is]?! He's just wanting to show how much he loves his mommy. And that is the best feeling in the world!

Work work work

Had meeting with work and lightly prepared them for the possibility of me not coming back after my full year of maternity.

and now you say: "Lady of Leisure, eh? Not working at the age of just above 30? Slacker!"

And I say: "Not working?! If I wanted to relax during the day and basically be a slacker and not snap at Boyfriend the whole time from exhaustion- then I'd go back to work! The pregnancy and giving birth is a piece of piss. The hard work is afterwards!!

And now I'm back to the sofa to read my book while eating chocolate....*

*that was sarcasm in case you didn't get that

Boing!

Baby N decided he wanted to snooze in out bed this morning. I use the term "snooze" loosely as kicking about, prrrrping and pulling hair is part of his snooze. But trust me, it's better than getting up at 5.30 and you learn to ignore it.

It's sort of soothing to have him so close to you and we usually end up face to face while we doze off and I had just entered that lovely place of heavy legs, being warm and cosy when....

"Ppprrrfffft"* followed by a "boing" and some acute pain.

The little devil had decided to spit out his dummy and with such force that it banged into my forehead and woke Boyfriend up.

It's actually a bit sore now...

*or however you write a spitting sound

Not True

I was, at the beginning of my pregnancy, told that I'd never have time to read a book again - or at least not until the youngest turned 5. This made me quite upset. I am a bookworm - a giant bookworm with extra thick glasses. And I love it!

However, that was a statement that I am happy to announce is not t rue at all. I've had time to read quite a few books since Baby N was born. This could have something to do with the fact that I sit outside (if the weather permits) and I push his pram back and forth using my feet and I have therefore 2 free hands to hold a book with. Ok, I need to put the book away more often than I'd like if Baby N refuses to sleep or to adjust the pram if the sun has moved but I consider this to be a fair deal.

So, all of you out there worried about having to stop reading when a little one comes along - you'll find the time. I promise!

Now I only wish for the books that I've ordered from amazon.co.uk to arrive so I can decide which one to read next. I just finished "Mr Darcy's Diary" and eager to "crack the spine" of another....

Falling to bits

Sorry about all this complaining about not feeling well but I am seriously falling to bits. It's probably all down to being absolutely exhausted from not having slept properly for such a long time.

Before Baby N it was because it was uncomfortable with a big tummy, need to wee every 40 minutes, 'stress'/excitement waiting for labour to start. During labour - well, it was pretty darn impossible to sleep for 3 nights during contractions until I had had enough and asked for an epidural (best sleep I've ever had). After Baby N it's been nighttime feeds, expressing, worrying (is he breathing?/why does he sound like that?), and on it continues.

So, my body is most likely (like all other new mothers') running on empty and things are starting to say 'no' and at the moment it's not just the infection of the eye - which also became eyeS - but it's PAIN and ITCH - like no other pain/itch I've ever known and do you know where this infection is located?

Bet you can't figure it out so let me tell you that I'd rather go through all those horrible contractions, the emergency c-section, all the times I've fallen off horses and all injuries I've ever had combined than what I have at the moment. I have an infection in my breasts.

Yup, it's pain like I've never known before and it's about to get me a free admission to the loony-bin. I am under medication but it takes too long for it to work. So much for "Breast is Best". It's horrible and when it was at its worst I was begging Boyfriend to cut them off or at least let me tear the skin off. I've never ever felt such pain. and I hope none of you ever will.

Anyhow, enough of such cheerful banter... it's been a lovely day here and hopefully I'll feel a bit better tomorrow. And I have the cutest, sweetest baby (I know I'm biased) who's started to laugh and it's the best feeling in the world and the only thing that makes me forget the pain.

X

11 days ago

...since I gave birth to a healthy little (big) baby boy. My contractions started on the Tuesday and we went to hospital on Thursday evening. By Friday morning I'd had enough of the breathing-thing and asked for an epidural (gas & air was awful so did not use that). The epidural was the best thing ever - no more pain!! I could have run off with the guy who shoved the massive needle in my back but my legs stopped working...

at 4 pm on Friday the 16th of April - after some distress from the baby - the doctors decided that enough was enough and that I was not progressing enough. I had no idea that I was having 5 contractions every 10 minutes as I was totally unaware of any pain... but c-section it had to be so we were whisked away and at 4.58pm they pulled little N out of my tummy (it was a really weird/funny/interesting experience in the theatre - totally cool being awake) and Boyfriend sorted baby N out - cutting the cord etc - while I was stitched up again.

So 11 days and we've all been fine - I've had a short spout of the Baby Blues from being exhausted from not enough iron and the emergency op and trying to adjust being a mommy etc etc. Boyfriend has been fantastic and I could not have survived any of this without him. he's due back at work on Monday so I need to be able to get this under hand on my own... scary stuff but hey; I'm a mommy now and Mommies are awesome.

Posts may be (read 'will be') quite sporadic here until we've settled in and all that.

Cheers

Prude No More?

Isn't it odd how you can actually long for something you know will cause you immense pain? Am I perhaps into a bit of S&M or M&M or M&S or whatever the hell it is called? Am I?

It's all very strange to me.

Frustrating

I could have sworn that "it" was starting to get moving last weekend. This weekend - nothing, not a sausage and least of all a baby. I know I've said I can keep on being pregnant for ever, I have honestly loved it but now I am quite keen to meet Baby. I know it'll hurt like [insert profanity here] but I'm ready for the next step. Even the dirty nappy change.

My bag is packed. I've got a deck of cards (recommended), magazines for me and Boyfriend, energy filled snacks, drinks - you name it. I've bought pineapple to eat, I ate spicy Mexican food yesterday and I am constantly pestering Boyfriend for sex - all known to get it started. The Mex food did not work, haven't had the pineapple yet and Boyfriend's saying no no no. The meanie.

Aaaaaargh!

So come one Baby - let's get a peek at 'ya. It's time.

Be Kind to Bumps

It's the final countdown, so to speak. Just 1 week left (7 days) until my due date! I know that most first-timers go over quite a bit but still. Baby could come now and no one would find it strange or surprising as baby is "done" and is just growing.

"The Bag" is still unpacked although everything has been laid out on the bed in the 2nd bedroom so it's just to actually pack it should I need to.

The past week has been tougher than previous weeks. My pelvic pain is horrendous at night and I get tired from walking short distances and this is highly annoying as I walk a lot.

I am also more ready for it to happen as I worry quite a bit since Baby is moving less 'in there' due to it being a bit cramped. But I did have a bit of a cry yesterday about giving birth as I start to dwell about what people have said about the size of my bump and how I'm going to have "a BIG baby". This does not help or is not funny as it could mean certain complications for Baby during birth -I'm not too bothered about myself - and Baby is my main concern and worry.

It's quite upsetting as even though my bump is big, I manage a lot better than a lot of others and it's actually not that big, it's more in the front than around. My midwife says that I'm tall - this is England, remember - and my baby will be a size that is good for me, my tummy is also full of amniotic fluid and that people really should learn to keep their mouths shut. I love her for saying that.

So please, if anyone of your friends has a big-ish bump and though it may be the biggest you've ever seen - don't get her upset about it, it's not her fault and giving birth can be quite stressful enough without comments like that, no matter how innocent and harmless they're meant to be.

I don't cry all that often so this is something that has been getting to me - a lot. I love Baby and cannot wait till I get to see him/her safe and in Boyfriend's or my arms.

Getting Old

Boyfriend and I were invited to a birthday party yesterday afternoon for a little 2 year old boy. There were loads of kids there and I don't know how my mom did it for all those years with my sister, me and my brother but the mere sight of all those children drained me of all energy within 5 minutes.

We were a bit late as Boyfriend had to work during the morning so we missed the games* but after the kids had gone we played 'pin the tail on the donkey' - I wasn't the worst but I was pretty rubbish.

Birthday boy was the cutest one ever! He's got the most gorgeous angel-hair and so sweet! We'd bought a pair of shorts and a shirt to go with them but also a Thomas the Tank Engine - balloon as soft presents are never much fun when you're 2. But as H saw the shorts, he went ballistic - he ran around waving them in the air and wanted to show them to everyone. I guess clothes are not always a bad thing, even if you're a 2 year old boy.

The evening was a fairly short one and I crawled into bed at an embarrassingly early hour. I did not know that kids' parties and being 31,5 years old weren't a good match...

*Thank God!

Boing Boing Boing

Boyfriend came home with a 'gymnastic ball' last night and no, it was not a subtle way to tell me to get off my fat arse and lose weight - well, maybe but that wasn't the main reason - it's for me to sit and relax on and they're supposedly very good in labour and after.*

I must say that it was probably the first time in ages that I automatically sat correct, posture-wise etc. So if you ever get in my situation, get one of these suckers. Don't bother buying an expensive "maternity ball" as it's same shit, no difference apart from £30. And it makes a funny noise when you bounce it too!

You can't underestimate the magic of a good bounce.

*'in labour' because it takes pressure of 'things' which it wouldn't if you were on a chair. 'After' to sit on when/if Baby is crying as it will help you bounce/rock baby to sleep and of course, to start doing some exercise - althought you won't catch me doing those pull-ups with my feet on it - not for at least 1 week or so...

What They Don't Tell You

Ok, I love being preggers. I love feeling him/her move around. Am not too keen on the pain in my pelvis, it hurts like hell and it is hard to understand that the pain is not due to any outer physical trauma i.e accident. But, I can live with it.

The most annoying things are the little things. Here are a few more to add to my list of things everyone ought to know.

1) If you have a Boyfriend who leaves clothes/towels on the floor, you may want to teach them not to pretty quickly. Bending down is no longer as easy as it used to be. There will be grunts!

2) Heartburn, if you thought you'd had it before, think again. It's awful and especially at nighttime and you really (!) don't want to have to bend down too much - see point 1 - as there is a risk you will have to scrub the floor afterward.

3) You're one of the bloody lucky ones if you have long arms. Mine are not short in general but when it comes to tasks such as putting on lotion on your body, shaving legs and ... wiping your bum or foo-foo after a visit to the loo... Good luck! Being a contortionist would help but that I am not.

4) Lying down. They will all tell you to try and sleep as much as possible but you should not - I repeat - NOT lie on your back as baby's weight will press on the big aorta and less blood will flow to your lower half of the body and this includes providing good oxygen to the placenta. So that will only leave you with sleeping on your side, this will take its toll and push quite a bit on your pelvis, which may already be painful.

5) eating, I could eat every 5 minutes and still be hungry. They're little parasites but "kindly" lets you store all the surplus on your body in preparation for breastfeeding. Which brings us on to the breasts. If you like having big boobs then Congrats to you! You know the pen-trick, right? Try a whole friggin' pen-case...

So, 5 little tidbits I think you ought to know. Again, don't get me wrong I LOVE what my body can do and I will miss my tummy (I can't believe I'd ever say that!!) - I just want to be honest. A picnic it may be but the view is only nice in 3 out of 4 directions.

Planning for "The Bag"

Christ Almighty, you won't believe the list they gave us at the ante-natal class.... Apparently you'll need to bring more stuff to the hospital than if you were to go on a holiday. I might be better off buying a backpack similar to the one I used when Boyfriend and I travelled to Samoa, Cook Islands and New Zealand. I am not kidding!

The midwife did say that we could bring our on music to play on the provided CD-player. Do you think she meant relaxing music as in "Gregorian Monks Chanting" or panflutes etc? Or could I play the music that makes me happy? Would they be ok with me blasting out Bad Romance by Lady Gaga while singing/dancing or whatever the hell I will do to try and block out the pain?

Maybe I'll be better off just bringing my own mp3-player rather than a CD. Boyfriend's said he'll definitely bring his own to ignore me if I become "too annoying". And that is a real quote.

I wonder who will have the last laugh when I tell him that it's not his baby...*

*Don't be silly, of course it is his! He's had all his injections so it's not very likely that I'd shag some random dude who might have been God-knows-where!

10 centimetres is quite a lot...

had our first ante-natal class today and it was more fun than I thought it'd be even though there were some slight awkward moments. Tomorrow we have the 2nd and last 4 hour session and then we'll discuss the important stuff i.e. pain relief!!

Am still not 100% sure what I'm about to do - scary stuff this but it has to be done and hopefully we'll get to bring home a baby at the end of it. I just really, really hope I won't behave in a too embarrassing manner such as swearing and performing some primal screaming rituals.

If you want to, draw up a circle with a 10cm diameter - yup... that is a lot of dilating.

I Just Can't Get Enough

You would think that I'd get enough of Doctors, hospitals and surgeries from sharing a life with a Dr but Noooo Sireee! I have just placed an order at amazon.co.uk for Season 2 of Private Practice - you know, the spin off from Grey's Anatomy.

You see, I'm getting closer to the date when I'll have to go in to hospital for an experience I probably never will forget, for better or worse, and I've read plenty of magazines about this period of time and they all state that you should bunker up with books, films, games etc so you have something to do to take your mind of "it".

I doubt I'll forget about the dilating, pain, screaming that's to come but it's a helluva excuse to get some book/dvd shopping done. All courtesy of Boyfriend who will want to not be called at work every 5 minutes because I'm "bored" or needy.

Any suggestions of stuff I'd like?!

And oh, I bought a watch last week. Retro and digital to ensure I can time "things" properly - because this will be difficult with a non-digital watch. That's my excuse anyway.

Partner Purgatory

Being pregnant is not always easy and I do whine and become extremely needy quite often. More often now towards "the end" than earlier. If it isn't being tired, it's back/pelvis pain or cramping muscles or just needing to be touched, hugged and loved.

BUT

It cannot be easy for the partner either and I have to say that Boyfriend has been an absolute gem through all this. He's put up with my huffing and puffing while noisily trying to roll out off bed for the 4th time to have a wee without complaining that I wake him up. He patiently waits while I have a shower to help me get in and out of the tub if I'm in pain and he's helped me put my socks and underwear on.*

I poke him in the middle of the night to rub my calf if it's cramping or to get me a drink and he does it. He'll run upstairs if I've forgotten something so I don't have to get it myself. He'll cook food if I'm tired even though I might have been at home all day. He comes along to various stores to help me figure out the difference between nappies etc when I know he's itching to get to the Apple Store. He'll look for my pregnancy pillow/cushions when I've misplaced them. He'll rub my feet in the evening while still trying to read up on stuff for work, watch telly or maintain his website.

I really do not know how single mothers do it and all cudos to them but I also think that partners may sometimes be a bit forgotten for all the hard work that they actually do. It's all very mom-focused but many of us would have a lot more difficult pregnancy without them.

So thank you honey for putting up with me when I complain about the most insignificant things or get in a strop for nothing. You're going to be an awesome daddy and I love you more than I could possibly put into words or show.


*Pelvic pain

Geeks and Pelvic Pain

Boyfriend's bought an iMac - one of these things - with a 27" screen. I thought I'd leave him to set it up on his own but every 3 minutes there's something new and fantastic to see and I have to get my swollen feet off the table (I have to keep them elevated) move my painful pelvis* to get up, turn, walk into the office and watch whatever new thing that has popped up on the screen.

I must admit though that it's pretty darn beautiful piece of machinery but not even I would run out of the room, up the stairs, change into a shirt and cardigan so that my profile picture would look smart. Boyfriend did do this and I had to stay and watch... What is it with men and computers? and why did I have to go and "pick" a computer geek -cute as he is?!


*it hurts like mofo hell. Sometimes when I walk too much and sometimes when I don't walk enough, when I sit too much or not enough. The joy of trying to turn in bed must be experienced to understand. Imagine having had a big horse, a Shire horse would do fine, step on your pelvic/pubic bone and you'll be pretty close to the real thing. Read about this "amazing" and pray-to-God-you-don't-get-it condition here.

In Which I am Confused

Have been home from work today as not been able to sleep at all. I couldn't breathe lying down and sitting up with a bump isn't very comfortable. Anyway, I've slept some and read some stuff about pregnancies etc. I'm quite new in this area so... and came across pre-eclampsia which doesn't sound like much fun but here's the tricky part. I am trying to figure out who might get it and from the description it sounds like pretty much everyone who's pregnant.

Please see if you agree or am I just paranoid?

"Pre-eclampsia affects between 1 in 10 and 1 in 20 of all pregnancies. A woman has a higher risk of pre-eclampsia if she is having her first baby or if she is having a first baby with a new partner. Other women who are also "at risk" are those who have a maternal family history of the disease, those who are under 20 or over 35, those who are black, and those who are expecting multiple babies. Women who have high blood pressure, diabetes, or kidney disease before they get pregnant also have a higher risk of pre-eclampsia."

Fact found here.

In Which There is Morning Philosophy

Thumper/Stampe has had a wild morning "in there". There's been ripples of movements clearly visible for several hours. Some making Boyfriend laugh out loud - louder than I've heard him laugh since the last decade (I know).

It's clearly getting a bit crowded in there and I am getting a bit frightened how soon the little one will be "knocking on the door". A knock that I am not anticipating to be a gentle one.

What on earth have we gotten ourselves into?

What if we've bred the next Josef Stalin, Adolf Hitler, Robert Mugabe, Charles Manson or a Myra Hindley?!

What if I absolutely suck at being a mom?

Maybe I should have just gotten a Dachshund instead... At least I know how to house-train one of those.

Oh well..

It is my first blogpost of the year and I ought to make sure it's a nice one as that is how I'd like the rest of the year to be but...

This ain't gonna be one of those posts. I have been up 4 times the past night. 4 times! Not one, two or three but FOUR. and to do what?! To wee!

I'm starting to think I am not pregnant but am slowly turning into a camel. I do not know how on earth I can have so much to pee "out". It's not like I'm drinking so much more than before and I am also having to go during the day. Very strange.

And oh! Another thing that has happened in the last 3 days is that my ankles have swollen. A lot. and I have to sleep with my feet on 4 rather thick cushions which means that they're a lot thinner in the morning but it makes it quite uncomfortable to lie on my side during the night. Go ahead -try it and you'll see what I mean. I will have to buy some support socks today - I find them comfortable anyway so that's not much of a problem but I really liked my thin slender ankles and they weren't painful either...

But after I'd been up for my 4th wee I got back into bed, put my feet up on the cushions and at that very moment the Baby decided to move about and probably say "thanks for making more space in here, it was bloody crowded with that full pouch" and it's the most fantastic feeling ever. It's not really such a hassle to get up 4 times a night, is it?