For where thou art, there is the world itself

The Little Man has moved into his own room and guess who cried when she saw The Love of Her Life sit in his cot when we'd moved it? Yup, that's right. Me! He looked more like a "boy" than a "baby" and it hit me that he's growing up so fast. Soon he'll be off to Uni.

He doesn't have any problem going to sleep in his nursery. It's a lot cosier than our room and warmer. He does seem to get a bit upset if he wakes up in the middle of the night but it's probably because it looks different to what he's used to. And he doesn't hear us as easily.

This morning he woke up at 5-ish so Boyfriend put him in our bed where Baby N quickly fell asleep with his forehead pressed agains mine and a fist full of my hair - you learn how to snooze and to be very still - and this is how we were until 7.30! And after a nice big bottle of formula he was happy stay and cuddle until 8am when we felt the lie-in had gotten a bit too indulgent!

I know I moan about sleepless nights and it it very tiring to have a baby but it's the best thing that's ever happened to me and there are no words to try and explain the love for this tiiiny human being who, despite his size, has characteristics and opinions just like a full grown person. Baby N is my World and my Love.

Twenty10 - 20Ten

I've forgotten to mention that last wednesday (20/10) was our 10 year anniversary!!

10 years to the day since we met at a studentparty here in Sheffield. It's funny how life turned out. If someone had told me* that "Tonight you'll meet a guy who'll knock you up", I probably would have run screaming in the opposite direction. But no one did and here we are, 10 years later with a baby and I have never been happier!

*and not mentioning timeframe/dates

Getting Back On Track

I am still very much feeling the effects of the Shingles. Exhaustion is ever present but perhaps a little bit less than a few days ago. To survive - I know it sounds dramatic but tiredness can bring you to the edge of insanity - I could only do the bare minimum. "Bare Minimum" in my case is looking after Baby N - not the smallest of tasks - and that was that.

Now, I'm slowly starting to see other things that need doing and one such thing is The Wedding. The Wedding is not that far away, and days, weeks and months pass by very quickly so must get back on track.

Church, priest, reception venue, photographer, band, cook and sort of the colour scheme/theme has been sorted. But there are so much more stuff to do and I'd like to get it done before it gets urgent and "OhMyGodItMightNotGetHere/ThereInTime!!".

So be warned Bridezilla is Back!

....Oh! Boyfriend is also involved somewhere, I'm fairly certain it.

Tired. Can You Tell?

Our microwave is slowly dying. I've disliked it from day 1 but it's worked and I've had somewhere to "cook" my micro popcorn and heat Baby N's food. But it's not until it's started dying while cooking Boyfriend's porridge that it's on the agenda to find a new one.

Our bed is too soft and "sticky out-y" at the foot end (bang a knee it the middle of the night and see how you'd like it). I've hated it since Day 1 and it's caused me back ache since Day 1 as well. But it's not until Boyfriend's back starts hurting that it's on the agenda to, as a start, change the mattress.

Baby N's teeth are hurting - again. I've loved Baby N from Day 1 but the teething-business? Not so much. I am tired. "Babies love routine and should therefore have same routine everyday." Not so bloody easy when he wakes up extra early and therefore wants his morning nap at the time he usually wakes up. Whoever writes those shitty books can come and carry him around until his its time for his scheduled nap. I bet those people haven't got any children. Bitches.

Tired. Can you tell?

Owned!

Boyfriend's off for a weekend of fun with his fellow GP-trainees who graduate this summer. I don't mind. I can be a nice girlfriend. I believe that he has 'earned' a weekend of drink and fun. But!!

This is how our 'good-bye conversation' went;

B/F: Bye honey!! I'll be home first thing on Sunday - I'll leave as soon as I wake up.*

Me: Bye sweetie.

B/F: Oh btw, there's talk about watching the football at J's on Sunday afternoon.

Me: what? you're going to be gone all weekend and then leave as soon as you get back?

B/F: It's an England game!!

Me: (raised eyebrows)

B/F: I'll treat you to a spa-treatment next week!!

Me: (silence)

B/F (nervously): C'mon Ems, I've gotta go! It's a 50 minute drive to the cottage.

I was joking but this is turning out in my favour

Me: Mhhhm!**

B/F(desperate): I'll leave my credit card!

Me: SOLD! Bye honey!

- Door closes after a quick kiss, leaving Boyfriend looking a bit stunned.***

*Hmmm - this will most def NOT be before noon.

**Translation: "you're not leaving until we're done negotiating"

***Not my fault if he starts the negotiations so high - I would have settled for a foot-rub.

11 days ago

...since I gave birth to a healthy little (big) baby boy. My contractions started on the Tuesday and we went to hospital on Thursday evening. By Friday morning I'd had enough of the breathing-thing and asked for an epidural (gas & air was awful so did not use that). The epidural was the best thing ever - no more pain!! I could have run off with the guy who shoved the massive needle in my back but my legs stopped working...

at 4 pm on Friday the 16th of April - after some distress from the baby - the doctors decided that enough was enough and that I was not progressing enough. I had no idea that I was having 5 contractions every 10 minutes as I was totally unaware of any pain... but c-section it had to be so we were whisked away and at 4.58pm they pulled little N out of my tummy (it was a really weird/funny/interesting experience in the theatre - totally cool being awake) and Boyfriend sorted baby N out - cutting the cord etc - while I was stitched up again.

So 11 days and we've all been fine - I've had a short spout of the Baby Blues from being exhausted from not enough iron and the emergency op and trying to adjust being a mommy etc etc. Boyfriend has been fantastic and I could not have survived any of this without him. he's due back at work on Monday so I need to be able to get this under hand on my own... scary stuff but hey; I'm a mommy now and Mommies are awesome.

Posts may be (read 'will be') quite sporadic here until we've settled in and all that.

Cheers

Frustrating

I could have sworn that "it" was starting to get moving last weekend. This weekend - nothing, not a sausage and least of all a baby. I know I've said I can keep on being pregnant for ever, I have honestly loved it but now I am quite keen to meet Baby. I know it'll hurt like [insert profanity here] but I'm ready for the next step. Even the dirty nappy change.

My bag is packed. I've got a deck of cards (recommended), magazines for me and Boyfriend, energy filled snacks, drinks - you name it. I've bought pineapple to eat, I ate spicy Mexican food yesterday and I am constantly pestering Boyfriend for sex - all known to get it started. The Mex food did not work, haven't had the pineapple yet and Boyfriend's saying no no no. The meanie.

Aaaaaargh!

So come one Baby - let's get a peek at 'ya. It's time.

My Date

Boyfriend replied and said he'd love to go on a date with me so off we went soon after he'd come home. We took the bus down to where we had planned to eat. I say 'planned' because the place does not take bookings and it's a bit of a guess if it's busy or not. After we'd been told there would be a 40 minute wait for a table for 2 - we decided that we [I] couldn't wait for food that long so we went in search of another place.

Just 30 meters down the road, there's a new Turkish restaurant ('new' as in; it opened before xmas) so we had a look at the menu and decided to go for it and try something different. And Oh My Gawwwd! Am I glad we did or what? It was absolutely to die for.

They offer 'meze' (turkish tapas), 7 hot/cold dishes with bread and salad for £24 for 2 persons. And while we did not go for this option as many of the dishes I wanted to sample wasn't quite right for someone in my condition (blue cheese, mussles etc etc), we still had a starter each and a main course and it was fabulous and to a good price as well!!

We're soooo going back. Soon. (Children are welcome at any time*)

Btw, Boyfriend said that although I'm no longer strictly a tease I am definitely not "easy to please" and that I still keep him on his toes. Whatever he means by that. But as long as I'm not a push-over that's fine by me...

*This is something we've had to check recently as it's apparently not a good idea to leave a baby home alone while we go out for a meal.

Giddy

I've just asked Boyfriend out on a date for tonight via e-mail and I haven't heard anything back yet...

Ooooh the suspense! It's like 'back in the days' 9,5 years ago. Will he or won't he??

Although I think the shoe was on the other foot back then - I was such a tease!*

*Judging by my midriff measurement I can no longer be called a 'tease' - could I even be called 'easy'?!

7 things about me

I've been tagged by one of my former students to list 7 things about myself so here goes...

1) I wanted to join the army when I, 3 weeks before the final tests and confirmation that I could join the infantry, broke my knee skiing so had to reconsider what to do after high school - I went to the US as an au-pair instead.

2) I actually liked most of the food that was served in high school, and I am picky.

3) I had a bit of an eating-issue when I was 22.5 years old. I weighed 48kg in June-01 and despite knowing that I was ill and how tired and listless I was at my worst, I sometimes wish I was 'there' again. Am also frightened to fall back into that trap again so I am not allowed to own a set of bathroom scales - I also eat more than I should, damn that co-living trap.

4) Sometimes I use youtube to listen to my secret pleasures that make me really happy. One of those ridiculous songs is 'The Ding Dong Song' By Gunther and the Sunshine Girls. (Saddo)

5) I would soooo have sex with Sandra Bullock if the opportunity arose. I am straight as a laser beam but sometimes those beams bend for the right person.*

6) I sometimes think about the stuff I'd do if Boyfriend did the nasty on me and I fear I may be a horrible person and the worst part is .... I think I would be a bit disappointed if I never got to do the whole revenge thing.

7) As of 25 minutes ago, I cannot stop thinking about fresh pineapple. The sweet and tangy juiciness in slice after slice after slice.

I won't tag anyone specifically, please tag yourselves if you fancy it.

*and obviously she'd need to be in on it too so not very likely but still...

Planning for "The Bag"

Christ Almighty, you won't believe the list they gave us at the ante-natal class.... Apparently you'll need to bring more stuff to the hospital than if you were to go on a holiday. I might be better off buying a backpack similar to the one I used when Boyfriend and I travelled to Samoa, Cook Islands and New Zealand. I am not kidding!

The midwife did say that we could bring our on music to play on the provided CD-player. Do you think she meant relaxing music as in "Gregorian Monks Chanting" or panflutes etc? Or could I play the music that makes me happy? Would they be ok with me blasting out Bad Romance by Lady Gaga while singing/dancing or whatever the hell I will do to try and block out the pain?

Maybe I'll be better off just bringing my own mp3-player rather than a CD. Boyfriend's said he'll definitely bring his own to ignore me if I become "too annoying". And that is a real quote.

I wonder who will have the last laugh when I tell him that it's not his baby...*

*Don't be silly, of course it is his! He's had all his injections so it's not very likely that I'd shag some random dude who might have been God-knows-where!

10 centimetres is quite a lot...

had our first ante-natal class today and it was more fun than I thought it'd be even though there were some slight awkward moments. Tomorrow we have the 2nd and last 4 hour session and then we'll discuss the important stuff i.e. pain relief!!

Am still not 100% sure what I'm about to do - scary stuff this but it has to be done and hopefully we'll get to bring home a baby at the end of it. I just really, really hope I won't behave in a too embarrassing manner such as swearing and performing some primal screaming rituals.

If you want to, draw up a circle with a 10cm diameter - yup... that is a lot of dilating.

Anybody Home?

On our way back from town we stopped at the garage to fill up the tank and I stayed in the car while Boyfriend went inside to pay. This little garage is always really busy so I knew it would be a bit of a wait so I sat there and listened to the radio.

As I was quietly nodding along to Vanessa Carlton's hit from a couple of years ago (I can't remember the name but she only had one, right?) I looked towards the exit of the gas-station and saw our car leave and thought "Oh, Boyfriend's forgotten about me!"

A millisecond later I realised that I was in our car so it must have been someone else's car I saw leave... I've rarely felt as dumb as I did at 16.32 today.

I Just Can't Get Enough

You would think that I'd get enough of Doctors, hospitals and surgeries from sharing a life with a Dr but Noooo Sireee! I have just placed an order at amazon.co.uk for Season 2 of Private Practice - you know, the spin off from Grey's Anatomy.

You see, I'm getting closer to the date when I'll have to go in to hospital for an experience I probably never will forget, for better or worse, and I've read plenty of magazines about this period of time and they all state that you should bunker up with books, films, games etc so you have something to do to take your mind of "it".

I doubt I'll forget about the dilating, pain, screaming that's to come but it's a helluva excuse to get some book/dvd shopping done. All courtesy of Boyfriend who will want to not be called at work every 5 minutes because I'm "bored" or needy.

Any suggestions of stuff I'd like?!

And oh, I bought a watch last week. Retro and digital to ensure I can time "things" properly - because this will be difficult with a non-digital watch. That's my excuse anyway.

Partner Purgatory

Being pregnant is not always easy and I do whine and become extremely needy quite often. More often now towards "the end" than earlier. If it isn't being tired, it's back/pelvis pain or cramping muscles or just needing to be touched, hugged and loved.

BUT

It cannot be easy for the partner either and I have to say that Boyfriend has been an absolute gem through all this. He's put up with my huffing and puffing while noisily trying to roll out off bed for the 4th time to have a wee without complaining that I wake him up. He patiently waits while I have a shower to help me get in and out of the tub if I'm in pain and he's helped me put my socks and underwear on.*

I poke him in the middle of the night to rub my calf if it's cramping or to get me a drink and he does it. He'll run upstairs if I've forgotten something so I don't have to get it myself. He'll cook food if I'm tired even though I might have been at home all day. He comes along to various stores to help me figure out the difference between nappies etc when I know he's itching to get to the Apple Store. He'll look for my pregnancy pillow/cushions when I've misplaced them. He'll rub my feet in the evening while still trying to read up on stuff for work, watch telly or maintain his website.

I really do not know how single mothers do it and all cudos to them but I also think that partners may sometimes be a bit forgotten for all the hard work that they actually do. It's all very mom-focused but many of us would have a lot more difficult pregnancy without them.

So thank you honey for putting up with me when I complain about the most insignificant things or get in a strop for nothing. You're going to be an awesome daddy and I love you more than I could possibly put into words or show.


*Pelvic pain

In Which I Went Without

Having such horrible pelvic pain makes it difficult to enjoy a proper coupl-y life, the bump-issue is easily overcome but the pain... The Pain is not so easy to ignore which means that those little moments right before getting up/ falling asleep/whenever we've felt like it aren't physically possible at the moment.

Today it wasn't bad enough to deter me, so to speak, and I really, really wanted it and just as we were about to start the phone rang and as the phone had to be moved from the bed Boyfriend looked at the caller display and went: "It's my mam."

Yeah, pelvic pain and that are on par of being the biggest turn offs ever. So I just told him to answer it and I put my top back on...

Maybe tomorrow.

Geeks and Pelvic Pain

Boyfriend's bought an iMac - one of these things - with a 27" screen. I thought I'd leave him to set it up on his own but every 3 minutes there's something new and fantastic to see and I have to get my swollen feet off the table (I have to keep them elevated) move my painful pelvis* to get up, turn, walk into the office and watch whatever new thing that has popped up on the screen.

I must admit though that it's pretty darn beautiful piece of machinery but not even I would run out of the room, up the stairs, change into a shirt and cardigan so that my profile picture would look smart. Boyfriend did do this and I had to stay and watch... What is it with men and computers? and why did I have to go and "pick" a computer geek -cute as he is?!


*it hurts like mofo hell. Sometimes when I walk too much and sometimes when I don't walk enough, when I sit too much or not enough. The joy of trying to turn in bed must be experienced to understand. Imagine having had a big horse, a Shire horse would do fine, step on your pelvic/pubic bone and you'll be pretty close to the real thing. Read about this "amazing" and pray-to-God-you-don't-get-it condition here.

In Which I Got A Reality Check

I know I said I'd try to not make this a preggie blog but it cannot be helped at the moment. Went to the midwife yesterday and had to give some blood and get an injection as am Rhesus negative (yeah, don't ask because I don't really get it..). And I had to book in to another appointment in February. I'll be in my 33rd week!

Holy craparooni and all that goes with it!! It means I'll be really close to labour and could even go into ok-ish premature labour... Shit.

Stress.

Better get going on that nursery for the little one. Need to paint walls and ceilings, need to buy a cot, changing table, nappies, clothes, and everything else that is needed. Was planning on doing it "later" but I guess "later" is coming up. So we're going to look at some prams this weekend.

How weird is this?? Did I just step out off some weird time-changing machine? How on earth did I get here so fast? I feel as if I only had my first 13th week scan a couple of weeks ago.

Oh Dear!

Not such a big wuss after all

While Boyfriend is happy to admit that as a Dr he always think "crazy person" when he sees the words "needle phobia" in a patient's journal, he also acknowledges the fact that there are very few things that make me hyperventilate, fidget and restlessly walking up and down. Needles is such a thing - petting a pigeon would also make me do that but that is a situation I can guarantee I'll never be in. That would make me a "crazy person".

So Boyfriend sent me this link to make me feel a bit better about myself as I absolutely hate feeling weak and useless. And whadd'ya know?! I'd kick Manny Pacquiao's ass!!

That's right! One of the best boxers in the world!

In Which I Tell You What They Won't

Make sure you've got a Boyfriend/Partner/Someone who really loves you because there is another thing about being with child that really, really could put your relationship to the test.

Flatulence.

Yes, I know. It's not a very nice subject and I won't have it discussed anywhere else than in this blogpost. Ever.

Picture borrowed from this site