...

Toddler N and I had a disagreement regarding his afternoon snooze. I thought he should have one. He did not. He "thrashed" around in my arms and subsequently head butted me. Right on the snout. Oh my Lord, it hurt like absolute hell. I know he didn't mean to do it but it does not make it less painful though, does it?

Anyhow - I was really upset, blood streaming down (thank God for black tops) and did something I had told myself I would not do. I shouted at him that I would throw away every single, bloody (no pun intended), car if he ever EVER did it again and then I put him in the pram and said I was sorry [but probably not in a nice voice] and now he's fast asleep.

I feel really bad for shouting at him. REALLY bad and I've already been outside a couple of times (he sleeps outside during the day - come rain or shine) to stroke his little chubby cheeks and whisper "Mommy's sorry for shouting".

I could not help myself, I thought I was going to pass out from pain. If it had been anyone else I probably would have hit back without thinking. The bleeding has stopped but my nose is really sore. You can't tell it's been battered by a toddler's head but it is sore nonetheless.

In a way I want him to have a long snooze so I can feel even better when he wakes up but at the same time I just want to pick him up and snuggle him close as I know it would make me feel a lot better both for the pain and for shouting.

I don't normally do NY's resolutions but I think to not shout at him again has to be on the list.

It's a sickly feeling - and I am not talking about the sore nose...