Tuesday, 30 November 2010

Blindfolded With Open Eyes

Sometimes you 'walk into' things with your eyes wide open and accept reality for what it is. But sometimes that accepted reality suddenly becomes very difficult and almost unbearable and though you don't want to change anything you'd like it to be different.

I feel vulnerable and lonely. I'd like to have friends here* and yes, it's my own fault for not going out there are sort it out. But I have always been a 'loner', happy with my horses and my books and obviously the friends I meet along the way and it's come back to bite me. Big time.

but I'm at a stage where it's hard to meet new "best buds".** People here have friends from Uni and/or friends from before and I just can't make myself push my way into those circles. The girlfriends I have here are lovely but they are all friends from Uni - same course- and it's because they, their husbands and Boyfriend were on the same course that I know them. And I feel so stupid in comparison, not to mention fat, ugly (they're gorgeous) and just not "right".
It's difficult to explain. I was aware of the hours Boyfriend would have to do when I moved across. I knew it'd be long days but I didn't realise that it would be this hard. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself but the bottom line is - I am lonely.

* Boyfriend works 12 hour days and though I adore spending time with him and Baby N, I'd still like to meet up with someone else every now and then.
**for lack of a better term

1 comment:

Laura said...

As a person who doesn't really have "best friends" but just lots of 'random friends' made through different things, I don't have any sort of 'circle' to break into. And would like to see you sometime and MEET BABY N!!!! :D We should get something sorted out next year! What I lack in organisation, I make up for in being great for a chat/good listener/good giggle! :) xx