I feel vulnerable and lonely. I'd like to have friends here* and yes, it's my own fault for not going out there are sort it out. But I have always been a 'loner', happy with my horses and my books and obviously the friends I meet along the way and it's come back to bite me. Big time.
but I'm at a stage where it's hard to meet new "best buds".** People here have friends from Uni and/or friends from before and I just can't make myself push my way into those circles. The girlfriends I have here are lovely but they are all friends from Uni - same course- and it's because they, their husbands and Boyfriend were on the same course that I know them. And I feel so stupid in comparison, not to mention fat, ugly (they're gorgeous) and just not "right".
It's difficult to explain. I was aware of the hours Boyfriend would have to do when I moved across. I knew it'd be long days but I didn't realise that it would be this hard. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself but the bottom line is - I am lonely.
* Boyfriend works 12 hour days and though I adore spending time with him and Baby N, I'd still like to meet up with someone else every now and then.
**for lack of a better term