Friday, 3 May 2013

37+1 and a 3yr old

Holy Crap on A Cracker - it's getting really close now and I am kind of both dreading it and willing time to go faster.

I'm dreading it because the thought of having a baby [again] scares the beejezus out of me but I'm willing time to go faster because I really, really want to meet our new family member. Saying that though, I really don't want to go into labour before my date for c-section because I have not even prepared myself mentally for "that" bit this time.

Anyhow, I'm at that stage when I am tired ALL the time. Walking up the hill from nursery is like my very own "North Side" of Mount Everest - or whichever trail that's the toughest one. I'm still very stubborn though so I hate having to take a minute and rest because that would be embarrassing ,which is a stupid thing to think as there are far more non-pregnant, younger and fitter people who stop for a breather there. But I don't and so when I get home I literally zonk out on the sofa for a while and try to muster enough energy to eat something healthy but more often than not, I fail.

Baby has had me/us scared/worried a couple of times. It has been very naughty with its movements and pattern of movement and sometimes it goes all "quiet and still" in there. I'm not sure if I ever mentioned this when I was pregnant with N but I have a massive fear of that stupid stupid umbilical cord and that it'll get all tangled up and deprive baby of oxygen. So the midwife has referred me to the hospital a couple of times to be monitored and it's turned out to be ok but it doesn't make me feel any better when I just wait for a bum, elbow, foot, knee or whatever to poke me hard enough to make me breathless. Toddler N has helped me "jiggle" my tummy to wake Baby up and N finds it hilarious and calls it my "Jelly Wobbly Tummy" which is very sweet. If anyone else said it, they'd sport a black eye for a week or so.

I also find it to be very cumbersome to try out for maternity/nursing bras. GOD ALMIGHTY, is it so freakishly difficult to get it right?? And I go to have myself measured and everything but the selection is atrociously bad. "Would you like lace?" NO - I sure as hell don't want lace because a) it shows through on t-shirts, light tops etc. and I hate seeing the seems through my tops. b) Lace? Are you frigging kidding me? Yeah, that'll be sooo nice on possibly sore nipples so no, thank you. I want a comfy t-shirt bra. Bras that don't have cutesy little bows, dots, birds, butterflies and come in pink, blue, green. What is WRONG with normal colours like black, white and beige/nude so it feels a little bit normal and you don't have to wear black tops to make sure the terrible pattern wont show trough? And why can't sizes be the same in all stores?! I despair.

Anyhow, that's my rant about bras. I have to go for another fitting next week and I'm already hating it.

One thing that really makes me laugh and enjoy this time is N (and Husband). N is so funny at the moment, and you can have proper little conversations with him and he has got an awesome sense of humour. It also means, however, that I have to be careful what I say and tell him because his memory is amazing and he can repeat and recall things that were said/done ages ago.

Yesterday morning he melted my heart and I to say I had tears in my eyes would not be an exaggeration. I should explain that every night when he goes to bed and every time we say good bye I tell him "I love you forever and Always - Jag Alskar dig for evigt och alltid" and I have done since he was a very little baby. It became our ritual. So yesterday morning we snuggled up in our bed. Husband was snoozing away but N and I had a proper cuddle with rubbing noses and asking each other "did you sleep well? I slept well, thank you!" and then we had a tiny quiet moment and he whispered "I love you forever and always!"

And there are no words to express or explain how I felt and feel about that little sentence so I wont even try.

I know some cure cancer and make great discoveries etc and it'd be awesome to have that kind of achievement but I don't need it. Husband and I have the bestest little boy in the world and as long as all goes well, we'll be expanding our family very soon and I won't ask for anything else. I'm happy just the way we are.

1 comment:

Mrs E said...

Jag har den här amningsbehån i två olika färger - köpte den redan under graviditeten och älskar!

Sitter skönt, lätt att haka av och på och känns knappt att man har på sig.

Lycka till med allt nu, spännande att det är så nära! Stor kram till hela familjen.