Application form

Imagine this: 6 A4 sheets to fill in. Tiny boxes to write in - I'd say they're ok as long as you don't have more to say that can't fit within 5 words and one full stop.

State full-time and part-time education from the start of secondary school. (Subjects studied and grades achieved.) -Shit, they can't be serious! I had 18 subjects (not counting the courses within the subjects) in high school alone... AAARGH!

Do you smoke? - Hmm - should I say that I used to "party smoke"? Probably not...

When did you last have your eyes tested? - Ha! I know that one off the cuff! July 2006!

Do you hold a full, clean driving license? Do you have access to/use of a vehicle? - Yes and No (as if I want to drive on the wrong side of the road anyway...)

Do you consider that you have a disability? - No, I don't but I'm not sure what other people think...

Previous employment (all of them): - Time to squeeze in 15 years of summer jobs etc. in a tiny box where the words "fug off" would be hard-pushed to fit.

Reason for leaving last employment? - 'Unhappy in working environment' sounds a helluva lot better than; I wanted the little shits to choke on their textbooks...

You must declare any unspent criminal convictions registered against you. - "I managed to escape jail sentence after having slaughtered a whole village while being dressed as the Predator's girlfriend. But I'm rehabilitated now..." hmmm, maybe not.

Interests? - Yup, I have those too!

And then we get onto the equal opportunity form...

Marital Status? - "Single, although not through any fault of my own!" - I hate having to write "single". I have been in a relationship for last 6,5 years! I am not single!!

Nationality? - Oh, so Swedish! (Boyfriend once asked if I'd change to 'British' if we got married and I almost threw up from laughing! He hasn't brought that up again. Hey - maybe that's why my marital status is still 'single'? )

I would describe my cultural and ethnic origin (not nationality) as: - And here they only have 'white European' for me. I don't feel European! I'm Scandinavian through and through! I feel culturally and ethnically discriminated now!

And on it goes... What's so wrong with sending in a CV and an additional letter? This is ridiculous! I really do deserve the job after having filled it all in!