In Which I Almost Got Religion

I usually go to the city centre to buy a salad or a sandwich for lunch and there are days when it's completely void of human life - just the nasty pigeons. And.... the people asking/begging you to set up a monthly direct debit to support just their charity as the "others are also doing good but ours is remarkably good!"

Some don't even respect the fact that you're faking a phone conversation! I mean, how rude is that? They come up really close [Hellooo? personal space, anyone?] and if it was allowed they'd take your card details without asking. Fuckers.

The very truthful excuse "I'm sorry, I'm on my lunch and I have to get back soon" doesn't really do it either. Then there are the more imaginative ones when trying to get your attention; "Hello, lady with the lovely shoes/handbag/pretty blonde hair/blue eyes" If you've got it, it's the best thing ever!

Whatever happened to the little "cups" that you could put spare change in? They used to be grateful for whatever you had but not any-more" No siree - they want your account details for a monthly "donation"!

When I can't help myself, I stop and have a chat with them I usually use my no.1 excuse. It's brilliant and you're more than welcome to use it:
"This sounds very interesting! Do you have a website I can look at the details? I try to rotate the charities I donate to on a 6 month basis and this sounds like something I'd like to donate to when it's time to swap."
Of course, it won't happen. If I wanted to donate to a particular charity, I would, and this without being hassled.

But today! Today I saw something that I would have donated all my money to. And my clothes as well! These guys, however, were not out to get money donations. They wanted my soul. They were mormons and may God forgive me but I thought hardcore mormons would be... erm ...unattractive.

Holy Shit! They were gorgeous! Model material. And despite their crisp and sharp suits, or maybe due to?, I just wanted to rip all their clothes off and devour them in a very un-Christian manner. Right then and there. On top of their Book of Mormon and everything. All 3 at once. And had they asked me if I wanted to join I would have said "hell yeah!" and followed them to Salt Lake City, Utah and wear whatever kind of attire they put before me.

No, not really, as I am a betrothed woman, but Jiiiiizes - them boys were mighty fine!


*The calendar doesn't do these particular boys full justice but you get the picture.