An Apron? Yes Please!!

I'm officially in a craft-y period. I want to paint, I want to decorate, I want to do flower arrangements, I want to sew.

I'm living off interior sites. Looking, saving, putting stuff away in my pretty little head that remembers these kinds of stuff (as well as any wrongdoings and things Boyfriend has ever said/done) and conveniently forgets all the boring but most likely essential stuff.

Yep, that's me and my future house will be so sodding pretty!

Who am I kidding?

I'd written some OTT and pretentious stuff but almost retched when I read it so this will be it for now...

Sometimes it's better to just hit 'delete' and this was definitely the right time for it.

Oh Ah Just a Little Bit. Oh Ah A Little Bit More...

Yep, you know you're a bad blogger when your site isn't the top choice in the browser when pressing "b". Guess what comes up instead?! Well, this site!
I'm ashamed of myself even though it is not my choice of site. It is apparent that Boyfriend uses the laptop for filth when I am not using it.

My job is ok although duller than watching dog poop dry into a paler shade of brown and I guess that's what it'll be like until I get another job or quit. It's one or the other and whichever it will be better come soon or I will not be held responsible for my actions. I'm fed up with being treated as a 5 year old and expected to just accept changes and not question them when they are of no benefit whatsoever. Management decision and all that bahumbug.

Boyfriend and I will be going home for Easter. It'll be great and especially since Boyfriend hasn't seen my niece A. She is a gorgeous little girl and I've got some super cute clothes for her.

Anyway, better post this before the battle of Helm's Deep begins. There are some goodlooking fellas in this one; Aragorn (yum yum yum), Haldir (an elf who dies at Helm's Deep - a very sad moment), Eomer (Eowyn's brother, rider of Rohan and what a horserider he is, nice long hair as well) and some more but these are my top 3 - not necessarily in that order.

It's probably got something to do with the long hair, being able to ride (althought we don't see Haldir ride but he's an elf so sexy anyway) and just being manly men/elf. Niiiiice.

In Which Breathing Calmly Did Not Work

Boyfriend's been wanting to watch a particular film for ages. It's French, called "The Class". I dind't like the sound of it but I had promised Boyfriend it was his turn to pick and c'est la vie... But not so much fun when I after about 5 minutes started to be really uncomfortable, close to tears and to be honest, a panic attack wasn't too far away.

It appears I'm still not over my "lovely" teaching experience in England*. To be fair though - the French kids were loads better behaved than the ones I met. I managed to stay almost throughout the whole movie but when 30 minutes remained I very nearly screamed in frustration, anger/pain and panic. So I left and waited for Boyfriend at the Bar.

It was quite upsetting to relive all that again. All the old emotions, panic, fear (I jest you not), inadequacy and complete and utter feeling of being useless - not to mention worth absolutely nothing - came back and I'd hoped never to feel like that again. But what's most upsetting is that my experience made me fear the profession I had come to love and really enjoy during my teaching in Sweden. I may not have been very good at it but I loved it and I loved my students.

It's quite clear, however, that I am not ready to try teaching again. At least not in here where the school system is so archaic. It completely broke me last time and it made me fragile in a way that I feel/know I wouldn't be able to sort myself out if it happened again. It still hurts too much.

It's that simple.



*Alright, teaching at one school in this city.

I Which I Ought to...

...clean. The flat is a mess and I mean M E S S! It's ridiculous how much mess 2 people can create at the same time as I'm always picking up stuff from places where they don't belong. But maybe I never put the stuff where it should go? I'm not a neat freak but this is not nice.

In Which There is Floyd

Have you ever watched Floyd Around the Med or any other place where [Keith] Floyd cooks on site, preferably somewhere where the locals get annoyed with him for being in the way or join in to see how he cooks "their" food.

I've always loved Floyd, he's funny. He always calls the cameraman by the name his first cameraman had - he's had a few. He drinks. A lot. Sometime you can tell he's had a few between takes as his mood changes somewhat.

The shows used to be on pretty late in Sweden but brilliant they were and I am soooo happy that they are showing all his programs again. It's all about entertainment. Floyd is brilliant in his cooking, explaining and by Jove, he is F U N N Y!


you can find his site here

In Which There Are Serious Ramblings On and On and...

Haven't written in ages. Been bored. With myself. With Life. With work. Basically everything apart from Boyfriend. You could probably say that I have been a bit clingy. As I haven't known what to do I've looked to Boyfriend for "help". Poor thing has been very nice although he did say he'd be - and I quote; "a bit annoyed" if a psycho killed me.

A bit annoyed... Gee, thanks honey! Love you too!

Never mind, he's one of those who is a constant optimist and all about giving a person another chance. I am not one of those. You fuck up? You've fucked up! Want me to feel sorry for you? Only if it was something I could understand. If you get hurt while doing something stupid - drunk driving, fooling around while being under the influence of whatever...Nope. Don't come looking for sympathy, empathy from me...

I guess my approach could be considered a tad bit psychopath-like... which is why all "what type of person are you?"-tests always come up as Boba Fett - lone, psycho etc etc. Am I the only one thinking Boba Fett is a bit of a hottie?!

How did I get on to this?? I'm tired. It's been a long week. Or rather, it felt a lot longer than 5 "normal" working days. My job is mind numbingly boring. B.O.R.I.N.G. But being at this stage in life i.e. turned 30, already started over once, not doing what I trained to do (God, I miss my students in Sweden) means I haven't got all that many options. If I were to get another job I'd start all over in terms of pay (can it get any worse?), right to maternity leave etc.

No, I'm not pregnant but I have to start planning. Scary shit and it is especially scary being a 'tested' psychopath (although I'm not sure how formal and approved those internet tests are). But I'm nowhere near as bad as that octo-mom. I mean, is she fucked up or what??

6 kids, unemployed, surgically altered her face to look like Angelina Jolie, taught herself to walk and talk like Miss Jolie, nowhere to live with said 6 kids, lot's of debt. But hell yeah, she's an awesome candidate for having some sperminated eggs implanted - or 6 and two of those split into twins. Do they not test these people? Or, maybe she took the same test as me but her result wasn't 'Boba Fett' but one of those cuddly little Ewoks.

I'd rather be Boba Fett and not using my kids in a pathetic attempt to do... I don't know what octo-mom is trying to achieve but get your shit together!

I'm off to bed, getting my hair cut tomorrow. Wide fringe. yeeeeah

I don't think I'll ever read this post as it surely only
confirms my Star Wars personality.