Bring Out the Violins...

You might have noticed that I've had a period where my mood hasn't been at its most stable state. I am happy one minute (see post below) and the next I am in tears- and it all comes down to one thing - I am homesick.

Så in-i-helvete homesick!

I miss my family, my house, the animals and I also miss my old job, my colleagues, my students and most definitely "my" girls*. They're grown-ups now, they've finished high-school and I wasn't even there in their final year, which is something I regret - although I don't regret moving here and that is just the weirdest conflict of regrets I've come across.

If I could have moved the whole school and the people in it, I would have. If I could have moved Boyfriend to that area I would have. But neither was doable so I had to choose. It was something I was happy having to do but I had to either;

• live well, a lovely house in a fantastic environment, have a fabulous job with people you love working with regardless of them being students or teachers but no Boyfriend or
  
• live well, have an uncertain future regarding jobs, home, standard of living, clean society but Boyfriend

Well, you all know what I chose and I don't regret it but I am sorry for leaving my job and my colleagues, my home. I cried so hard that last day and though I never thought I'd feel so much for "just" a job, I realised that at that very moment a piece of my heart broke and I doubt it'll ever heal fully.

There are days when I don't think about it at all but some days, like tonight, it's bloody painful and I spend a few hours feeling sorry for myself, letting myself have a good cry, reminiscing about my students and my colleagues and I can only hope I'll see all, or at least most, of them, again.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy here and I know that I made the right decision for my future but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt every now and then. So bring out a whole orchestra, I need one tonight...



*SpH and Spesit - well, to be fair, I miss all the boys and girls of that year!!