He says I misinterpret things but am I really?

On the phone during the day...

Bf: I've gained weight since starting this job.
Me: It seems strange cos you look slim and healthy
Bf: Yeah, I do sports and stuff and we eat healthy
Me: You've probably gained muscles as you do look really good.
Bf: Muscles, yeah you're probably right....

Later in the car...

Bf: we eat healthy so we shouldn't be gaining weight
Me: mmm - but I'm still fat
Bf: Your arse looks gorgeous
Me: No it isn't. it's too big!
Bf: You look good honey, and usually when you put on weight it settles on your arse.
Me: WHAT?
Bf: Yeah, you know....
Me: What the hell are you saying?
Bf: Your arse looks good, honey
Me; But you're saying that it gets huge when I put on weight!
Bf: No, I didn't
Me; Yes, you #@%**$, you did!
Bf: I was speaking in terms of general "you".
Me: Naha.. you said "you" in terms of "you, Ems!"
Bf: Ooooh... *swallowing nervously*
Me: yeah, get yourself out off this one, you shithead!
Bf: Ems, your arse is not fat at the moment!
Me: At the moment? At the fugging moment?! So my arse is big but not "at the moment"?
Bf *nervous*: Ooooh... shit. I didn't.... No.... Fuuuuuck!... Of course I didn't mean "at the moment"... I meant... crap... I'm not saying anything more now... Aaaargh!
Me: You'd better not cos then I'll take my not-fat-at-the-moment-arse and leave you! Idiot!
Bf: *giggling nervously as only a man who knows his balls are "about to be torn off" can laugh*

I've got a great memory so he'll remember this conversation too! Besides, I've got his creditcard and I knooow his piiin!!!