On the Edge

I don't know all the reasons why but I am stressed to the bones. My pulse is racing as if I'd tried to outrun Sanna Kallur and that's if I'm sitting down! I have stress eczema that itch, I'm unable to sleep well - even when there's no full moon and my tummy hurts all the time.

But - I'll be going away this weekend for a couple of days here and I can't wait for some lounging by the pool. However, thinking of myself in a bikini - eeeek! - basically equals even more stress but I'll try to block that bit out and hopefully other people will do the same..

I'll also go for a short stint in the sauna and pay a visit to the steam room... and when I've done all that I'll be going for a walk around the grounds and pretending I'm in a novel by Jane Austen. I will not say which but Mr Darcy is more than welcome to sweep me off my feet.

Then, there will be some sampling of Leeds' nightlife and hopefully that means lots and lots of dancing, wearing this - and as the dentist-bride-to-be is as dance crazy as me - I guess I just might get my yearly quota of dancing, if only my toe stops hurting when I'm in my 3 and 4 inch heels... I simply will not wear flats for more reasons than this one!

The boys are heading off to some Baltic country where strippers, hookers, pub crawls and AK-47s are on the agenda. Boyfriend is unable to get time off work and as upsetting as that is - it gives me one less thing to stress about as I know just what kind of sex-maniacs the dentists are and most of the boys going will be just that!

Well, never mind about some Baltic country stag-do. I'll be having a great time with the girls and by God, there will be some serious cocktail drinking or tiny glass of sherry with Mr Darcy. Yum Yum Yum!

Updating

Blonde Philosophy is in the process of being updated
into a less generic look.

Well, that's what I'm aiming for anyway...

Pro-Evolution on Wii

"Hey Ems, come and watch this... Did you see the awesome move I did?... Wooooo! What a goal!!!"

I never saw the point when it was on PlayStation and I can't see it now either...

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Five years ago (2003) - Falun, Sweden. Long-distance relationship with Boyfriend. Dreamt about finishing my teaching degree so I could get out of hell-hole no.1. Realised that the promises of endless job-opportunities was just a load of crap as all counties had to save money and not employ any new teachers. Luckily I had another year to do and then I got the best job E V E R!

Ten years ago (1998) - Philadelphia, PA, USA. Working as an au-pair. Huge responsibility and made me grow up and also decide on being a teacher. I also realised that I really wouldn't mind twins as the ones I cared for were lovely and their older brother and sister were awesome too. Was proposed to twice but only really touched by the proposal from the 3-year old.

Fifteen years ago (1993) - Home, Sweden. I only thought about horses, horses and horses. 9th grade and had probably just applied to Major in Civics (social studies) in High School. Don't remember much apart from spending all my time riding and mucking out stalls.

Twenty years ago (1988) - Home, Sweden. Mom was expecting my little brother. I got my second pony. My grandmother (mormor) died of cancer which kinda sucked. I remember that summer as being really nice and sunny and therefore spent a lot of time at the pool centre and going for long rides (hacking) in the forest where it was nicely shaded. Started nagging my parents for a dog of my own - it only took another 3 years and then I had one!

Summary: I think I can safely say that horses have been a major part of my life. I've had a really nice/good life so far and I hope it continues that way! The nagging about a dog (and later horses) have already started but this time it won't take me 3 years!

Superfun!

I'm worried that I gave the gods the impression that I enjoy having migraine. In fact, I must have convinced them so much that they made it worse today!

I do NOT enjoy spewing my guts out and writhing in pain.

Please, no more...

Migraine

Double vision

Vomiting

Nausea

Sound sensitive

light sensitive

Cold

Hot

Absolutely

excruciating

pain

sleep

sucks!

When Friends Grow Up

So, our friends T&A have now become a little family of 3. And what a family they are! A gorgeous little baby boy "H" who slept in my arms and made me think "yeah - this is it".

I think this is the best role I've seen T in. Being a dad suits him. A is already going for long walks - 4 days after giving birth. She's my new hero.

Awww - I want one!

I Bow Before Thee

So, a few days spent in the lakes where we've accepted Jesus Christ and renounced evil in our lives.
No, we haven't gone and been reborn as good Christians. We're the same heathens as before but as Godparents for little "L", that was something we had to do and say.

Boyfriend didn't fell too good about the Jesus-part but I, to be honest, am in quite awe of the G-man himself* so if I have to say I believe his son walked on water then so be it. I am going to take this godparent thing seriously. I have actually already started by telling Little "L" that she needs to start asking for a pony so she might wear her parents down by her 8th birthday!!

Anyway, no rest for the wicked and in particular those who live in sin: Boyfriend and I are off again tomorrow to spend 6 glorious days in Sweden for a bit of Easter holiday.

There is truly, no place like home!


*C'mon, anyone who has "created"/thought up the male physique [nether regions] must have had a helluva sense of humour.

Tweety bird

I've just seen an ultra-sound pic of my sister's baby - I think it looks a bit like a chicken...

but don't tell them that!

Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."


~Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

So retro - so right...

In the words of my "Fi-isen"

... "Nej men, dra fi**an i gruset!"

Fi-isen is one of my old students from BG and I have never, ever met a person who is as good at swearing as she is and she does it without it sounding vulgar at all. I wish I could do the same but I guess it works for some and not for others...

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I am so "dra fi**an i gruset-tired" today and have been all week. Not only do I sleep like absolute crap when Boyfriend is away - I guess he's my security blanket, as cheesy as that sounds (yuck!) - but there are other things going on at the moment. I guess I have a case of almost 30-blues and I'm still on "step 1". Maybe it's time to grow up...

Bleurgh! !

Sickening

Sally Kern - what happened to love thy neighbour?!

Bring Out the Violins...

You might have noticed that I've had a period where my mood hasn't been at its most stable state. I am happy one minute (see post below) and the next I am in tears- and it all comes down to one thing - I am homesick.

Så in-i-helvete homesick!

I miss my family, my house, the animals and I also miss my old job, my colleagues, my students and most definitely "my" girls*. They're grown-ups now, they've finished high-school and I wasn't even there in their final year, which is something I regret - although I don't regret moving here and that is just the weirdest conflict of regrets I've come across.

If I could have moved the whole school and the people in it, I would have. If I could have moved Boyfriend to that area I would have. But neither was doable so I had to choose. It was something I was happy having to do but I had to either;

• live well, a lovely house in a fantastic environment, have a fabulous job with people you love working with regardless of them being students or teachers but no Boyfriend or
  
• live well, have an uncertain future regarding jobs, home, standard of living, clean society but Boyfriend

Well, you all know what I chose and I don't regret it but I am sorry for leaving my job and my colleagues, my home. I cried so hard that last day and though I never thought I'd feel so much for "just" a job, I realised that at that very moment a piece of my heart broke and I doubt it'll ever heal fully.

There are days when I don't think about it at all but some days, like tonight, it's bloody painful and I spend a few hours feeling sorry for myself, letting myself have a good cry, reminiscing about my students and my colleagues and I can only hope I'll see all, or at least most, of them, again.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy here and I know that I made the right decision for my future but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt every now and then. So bring out a whole orchestra, I need one tonight...



*SpH and Spesit - well, to be fair, I miss all the boys and girls of that year!!

Boyfriend left me last night

Well, he didn't "leave me" leave me but he left for a week of nights which, even though he comes home to sleep during the day, means I won't see much of him for the next 6 days.

This abandonment had me feel a bit lonely and upset and since I needed to get out off the flat while he slept - I decided that a bit of retail therapy was in order. I have now spent the majority of the day in the shopping centre (the mall, as I prefer to call it) and I found and bought a dress for next weekend's christening. It was frightfully expensive but it's very versatile and I paid for it using Boyfriend's credit card so I am a very happy bunny now.

Why Boyfriend's card? The answer is simple; He is the reason I need a dress for next weekend and since black won't do for a christening - I need a new one - and not to mention that I was feeling rather low due to him leaving me all alone.

There's always a good excuse for shopping, especially when using someone else's money

Friend and Fiend?!

The Wire must be the best tv-show ever made and I don't want to hear any other arguments. That's what I think and that's how it goes...

The man behind the show is the same man who was behind "Homicide - Life on the Streets" some years back and it was then my favourite show. You've got to give the mean credit where credit's due. The characters he creates are wonderful however bad they are. It might not make much sense but that's how I feel. Omar is fantastic, Barksdale, Bell and all the other drug dealers and murderers have that complexity that makes a person a person. It's not just a question of good vs bad as it so often is in these kinds of shows.

The only thing is that I have extended my vocabulary quite a bit and not with "nice and pretty" words. I am now in possession of a vocabulary so foul that I'm surprised my tongue hasn't rotten and fallen off at this stage. But I guess it's the price to pay and it could come in hand one day when I've gotten lost and find myself lost in the worst part of the worst areas in drug dealer-land. Boyfriend aside - I have a tendency to fall for the bad 'uns. God, they're hot when they're mean - although I wouldn't say no to 'Cutty' as nice and sweet as he is...

Rejoice in Broken Ribs...

Nothing exciting to report other than that Boyfriend and I were competing who'd get into the flat (and the computer) first after we'd seen the movie last night. I was winning but I slipped in our hall and, as always, hurt myself.

Not to worry though it was one of the injuries that my body's gotten used to after years of abuse playing handball and being pushed aside by 500+ kilo horses, so another sprained ankle is ok and as long as I walk more on the "outside" of the foot it's fine and doesn't really hurt much. It's amazing how well your body/mind remembers the injuries and how to stand/walk with minimum pain.

I almost miss the dull aching of a swollen ankle under the bandage and the difficulty to drive home after a game of handball or the pain of when trying to breathe properly with 5 broken ribs after your horse has decided to step on your back after panicking. God, I miss my Primus*!

It's sick but there's some kind of satisfaction in that particular kind of pain - at least I was doing something I enjoyed. Slipping on the floor doesn't hold all that much pleasure - mostly embarrassment from being clumsy.

*Primus was my other horse (not the one on the photo to the left). Primus was very special and the nicest being that's ever walked the planet. He didn't mean to hurt me and was really upset after the accident. He was my sweetheart and loved to put his muzzle on my shoulder to sniff my hair. + he loved beer, tobacco and bananas - you've got to love a horse like that!

Sonntag

Well, another unproductive weekend-day is almost gone when I ought to have ironed a massive pile of t-shirts and bedsheets... We have done absolutely nothing, nada, ingenting, nichts other than lazying about which is absolutely lovely. We had a stroll through town to pick up a newspaper and a magazine and then off to Bungalows and Bears for a drink and time on the couch to read the newspaper. It's basically the only time of the week Boyfriend bothers to check out news other than the football scores.

Later tonight we're off to watch "Juno" which should be good although I can't help myself longing for the day (tomorrow or Tuesday) when "Death at a Funeral" finds its way into our mailbox... I laugh just thinking about it - brilliant film and an awesome come back for British comedy after a few years with some sad, sad attempts...

Lord, I'm tired.

Samstag!

A long lie-in does wonders for mind, body and soul. Especially when the one you share a bed with provides you with things that makes you howl with laughter...

It's a great way to start the day