Blonde Philosophy: The Gospel According to Ems

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2012-01-24T15:32:00.001Z

This is going to be one of those - oh my, I can't get my head around this -type of blog. So you can either stop reading now or bear with me, I hope you can get the hang of it all.

Let me tell you about T & D. They'd been going out for 10 years when he decided he (T) wanted out (autumn 2010), which is fair enough I guess but he's been pretty nasty to her (D) during those 10 years. These are things I kind of picked up on when I saw them which wasn't very often so i thought they we re one offs as I didn't "know them", know them.

Anyhow, they broke up, he insisted on still being a major part of her life while he was moving on with several girls - at the same time - making her upset as he wanted to have an outlet when these girls were "unfair". I like her a lot so when it came to inviting people to the wedding we sent out one to each of them and they were absolutely fine with that.

Not much happened here that affected us but it was the same thing - he wouldn't let her move on while he was...

Our wedding. She was supposed to come on the Thursday so we booked room for her but she changed plans as he broke his arm while running away from a taxi bill. Yes, this is a man who makes an absolute fortune putting people to sleep before having surgery. Yes. Yes. So I wasn't feeling very sorry for him. Plus, I had an absolute shedload of stuff to deal with before the wedding. He also changed his plans several times so we honestly didn't know when or even IF he was coming so we had to book a room for a few more nights just to cover the eventuality of him coming and didn't want to sort things out on the wedding day.

Well, the wedding went without a hitch, or so we thought, and it wasn't until 4 weeks later when another guest called to ask if I was upset with D because I hadn't been in touch since the wedding. Husband and I were totally flabbergasted but then the guy who called (C) explained that he and D had gotten it together at the wedding and T was absolutely p-ed off, saying she was rubbing his face in her moving on. yada yada yada and grumbling about how Husband and I had set C and D up by seating them together....

AAAAARRRRGFGHHHHHH! it was not out intention at all but was I angry about it? Hell no. Nice people deserve to meet nice people.

Further on - C & D got a bit more serious which p-ed off T even more saying he'd "bash C's Face in" if he ever saw him about town. and we felt it was way over the top and that he needed to grow up and we were not at fault here as it's pretty darn hard to force people to like each other. But because she felt such pressure from T that what she had done was wrong she ended things with C. Sad, but that's another thing you can't force people to do or not to do.

Anyway, the guy (T) refused to pay his bill for the accommodation. The room wasn't anything special but we paid more for the rooms than we asked the guests to pay, to keep their costs down, AND we sorted out breakfast and a meal for the Friday evening. whatever.

It's not nice asking for money and we could definitely live without it but other people, who are not making an absolute fortune, and if he weren't to pay then no one should have to pay. Plus, he's the tightest arse in the whole wide world, known for hounding people who owe him a pound and he never bought anything for the house such as cleaning stuff, tissue etc when he shared a house with Husband and others.

So, I kept texting, sending messages on FB and 2 weeks ago I'd had enough. I wrote a public post on FB saying that he had not paid and I was fed up of asking for money. Crude, mean - call me a bitch but I had enough. So he got in touch with Husband asking stating he had now paid the money and a little bit extra to smooth things over. The extra wasn't necessary so we gave it to charity.

The thing is that D is now no longer talking to me... So I guess I am the bitch when it all comes down to it. Am I sad about it? yes, definitely. I like her but if she is so hung up on T and what he tells her to do, then that's ok. I'll be here when/if she ever want to have a chat.

Oh the tangled webs we weave.

(did you get to the end without having a massive ?-mark stamped on your forehead?)

Nutrients in paint?

2012-01-15T22:10:00.001Z

Went to B&Q today to pick out paint for the office walls. We're redecorating and can't wait to get rid of the magnolia walls and the most horrific "white with raised black velvety flowers" wallpaper hat is currently hidden behind a row of bookcases and DVD shelves. I don't get the whole magnolia thing at all but it is the most chosen colour here in the uk when it comes to interior wall paint. Ah, the English... There are do many things that is impossible to understand and I doubt that they understand.Anyhow, we bought 5 different samples and painted them on one of the walls. None works. So it is back to square one. It is not as if we don't know what we want, we do. But we just can't get that perfect one. We'll get there. We've ordered a new armchair that will get here in 10-15 weeks so the room has to be done by then. It is not impossible. It we also need to get a new carpet laid. This room and the stairs are the only 2 places where I've said that it is ok to have carpet. I am a wooden floor kind of gal.So that arm chair (which we've been looking at for the past six months was on sale for 1 day only so we "had" to buy it)and 2 sets of flights home to Sweden has pretty much emptied the moth eaten bank book. It'll be soup of water and a dab of ... water. If I was a celeb I would have to pay a bundle for the same diet and it'd be called "detox".Time for bed.

Update

2012-01-12T16:07:00.001Z

I just loooove my new IPhone! It is white and very purdy!! Hopefully I might be able to update a bit more often if Husband is using the computer. Xx

Awaiting 2012

2011-12-31T18:52:00.000Z

2010 - was the best year of my life as that was the year we had N, our beautiful, gorgeous baby who's not much of a baby anymore but we love him more and more for each day - even those days when he headbutts me.

2011- this year - has been amazing. It's such a privilege to be around and see/experience a child's development and especially since it's our child!

2011 - is also the year when Husband and I became Husband & Wife. It was a fantastic day and one I'll never ever forget. It was made extra special because we had Toddler N with us on that day and got to share all that happiness with him.

So what sort of expectations do I have for 2012?
I don't normally do any NY's resolutions but I do have some wishes though.
I wish for all my friends and family to have a healthy and happy year with lots and lots of love.
I most definitely and whole heartedly wish that no child is born to die - no matter what country they are born in. This coming year and all the years after that.

All the best to all of you and your families.

Happy New Year!

xxx

...

2011-12-30T14:33:00.000Z

Toddler N and I had a disagreement regarding his afternoon snooze. I thought he should have one. He did not. He "thrashed" around in my arms and subsequently head butted me. Right on the snout. Oh my Lord, it hurt like absolute hell. I know he didn't mean to do it but it does not make it less painful though, does it?

Anyhow - I was really upset, blood streaming down (thank God for black tops) and did something I had told myself I would not do. I shouted at him that I would throw away every single, bloody (no pun intended), car if he ever EVER did it again and then I put him in the pram and said I was sorry [but probably not in a nice voice] and now he's fast asleep.

I feel really bad for shouting at him. REALLY bad and I've already been outside a couple of times (he sleeps outside during the day - come rain or shine) to stroke his little chubby cheeks and whisper "Mommy's sorry for shouting".

I could not help myself, I thought I was going to pass out from pain. If it had been anyone else I probably would have hit back without thinking. The bleeding has stopped but my nose is really sore. You can't tell it's been battered by a toddler's head but it is sore nonetheless.

In a way I want him to have a long snooze so I can feel even better when he wakes up but at the same time I just want to pick him up and snuggle him close as I know it would make me feel a lot better both for the pain and for shouting.

I don't normally do NY's resolutions but I think to not shout at him again has to be on the list.

It's a sickly feeling - and I am not talking about the sore nose...

Christmas

2011-12-29T19:12:00.000Z

So, another christmas with a lot of food - although had lost 1.4 kg when I weighed myself last night at SW - but it doesn't quite feel the same as a "proper" christmas as the food is different. I don't eat pickled herring or Jansson's Delight and some of the other swedish christmas food but without them it just doesn't have that christmassy smell and feeling.

But, as always, Husband, Toddler N and I made our own christmas and it was loooovely. Nice and quiet, just the way I like it and just lots and lots of cuddles with our Little Man. And he was so happy when he saw his speedster!

Toddler N had his 1/2 nursery day on the 23rd so Husband and I went out and had some food, just the 2 of us, in the afternoon. We went to this new Thai restaurant. We opted for something non-christmassy as we didn't want to get tired of christmas food before christmas. And oh my goodness!! it was delicious. Nice and spicy and soooo cheap, despite it being an upmarket one. The little starters..... it was almost to make me want to lick the plate. This is something than never happens so it must have been awesome food.

The day before yesterday we went to the Butterfly House, just outside of Sheffield, and Toddler N loved it. He especially loved the "outside" bit of the place where all the parrots, meerkats, goats, ponies, ducks, rabbits, birds of prey etc. They didn't have as many butterflies inside as they normally do but I guess it's fair since it is winter and it was their first open day after christmas so I guess they hadn't hatched any new ones. it was so much fun seeing Toddler N running around. He loved feeding the rabbit and it was a MASSIVE rabbit - it was bigger than a lot of dogs, probably the size of a beagle if it lied down. Funny and quick little thing!

I haven't got any plans for New Year's Eve, I have never been a fan of that particular night and I quite like sitting in doing nothing. I have had my fair share of parties on NYE and it's been fun but "been there, done that" kind of thing. Husband might go and have some drinks with friends and I don't mind if he does go. If he has the energy to do it - fair games!

I hope you all had a lovely time over the holidays and all the best for the New Year.

xxx

Kaputt

2011-12-20T11:42:00.002Z

I
AM
BROKEN
.
Inside -
despite being happy.
Figure that one out.
I can't.

Posting "Going Postal"?

2011-12-11T16:01:00.001Z

... Hmmm. Yes. If I actually end up posting today's post rather than deleting it then you'll probably have me down as schizo or lifting the phone to call Soc Services or something one or another. But here goes.

The truth is that it is not always as [sickly] sweet thing to be a mom as I probably made it out to be in the previous post. I love a cuddle with my Toddler N and he's IS the best thing to ever have happened to me.

BUT

he is now in a stage of total mommy-ishness, separation anxiety and clingy-ness and as much as I love him - it sometimes drives me totally and utterly insane! It's not enough that he can see me almost every second of his awake life. He must now touch and tug at me. The W H O L E time!

And when that is not enough - he wants to be carried. E V E R Y W H E R E! It's not enough to sit in a shopping trolly where he can hold my hand while I push it. No no no. Mommy must carry. If mommy does not carry - meltdown worthy a nuclear power plant shutdown is imminent. Mommy is getting tired of those meltdowns. Mommy does not want to have too much body contact after one of those days so Husband goes without. And I'm not even apologising for cutting him down. "Touch me and I'll scream..."

When he (Toddler N) comes in to our bed in the morning [middle of the night] he want to lie across my face, he tugs at my hair if my head is turned away from him. He forcibly turns it for me by pulling my nose. Yes, it's sort of funny but not at 3 am.

Yes, Gina Ford (bitch) says to let them be. Let them cry. To avoid eye contact. No touching. They'll learn. And I am sure they will. Like the children in the Romanian orphanages that were broadcast to the west in the 80's, early 90's. Sitting quiet in their cots because they've learnt that no one comes anyway. Dead eyes. Learning difficulties. Yup. They'll learn alright.

Of course, they are polar opposites. there is a middle ground - somewhere. But it's very hard [impossible?] to find that perfect solution. It breaks my heart. My soul, my whole being shatters when I hear that piercing scream. So I falter. I take him into our bed, in the middle of the night. When I should have sat myself down next to his cot and patted him back to sleep. I know. I'm digging my own grave.

Because, as close to losing my sanity as I currently am. I am also responsible for Toddler N's upbringing, physical and mental. I can lose my mental health. That's fine. I am an adult. But I cannot have N know anything other than "Mommy loves me, at all times" and "Mommy comes back for me, every time".

He'll grow out of it, it is a phase. I hope! Husband is a great help, making sure I get time to myself. Christmas wreath making yesterday and a massage on Wednesday. N will not suffer. He will get to spend that time with the world's best daddy so we're all winners.

Weirdly enough - I could not be happier. Truly.

I think I need to publish this, if not to shatter the illusion of how perfect parenthood is but to remind myself that it is pretty darn close and the imperfections make it even better. or something like that.

Maybe I'll lose my Sanity tomorrow instead.

Cheers

{from here}

It's never "just" a hug - it's love

2011-12-09T19:21:00.001Z

The Little Monster decided to wake up at 4 am. His father and I were less than amused. Toddler N then spent the whole morning being grumpy as he was tired and took it out on me as it was clearly my fault that he was tired. It didn't matter what toys I brought out or what food I made. Nothing was good enough.

So I must admit I was quite glad to take him to nursery this afternoon and for myself to have a haircut for christmas. It turned out very nicely, if I may say so myself.

when I went to pick up Toddler N from nursery I got caught behind a couple of other parents who were picking up their children so I just stood there waiting to see my child when I all of a sudden heard a "MAMMAAAAA!" I bent down and in between all these adult legs I see my little boy pointing towards me, then pushing his way through the legs and ran straight into my arms for a massive massive hug! It was the best thing EVER!! There is no way he could have seen more than my legs and the bottom of my raincoat so I guess he knows his mommy's clothes (not that you could forget my flowery raincoat even if you wanted to) or my exceptionally shapely legs and he wanted to get to me quickly.

Even though he was a little monster this morning, it is no longer particularly annoying. I mean, how can it be when his greeting was nothing but love?

I absolutely and totally love my Toddler N more than anything and anyone in the whole wide world.
xx

Update

2011-12-07T18:12:00.001Z

So - am feeling a little bit better after the shingles-thing and everything else. My leg only smarts if I twist it, walk too hard on it or if a tiny little heel, belonging to a 19 month old, kicks it while sitting in my lap. All in all I'd say I'm alright.

Also lost 1kg this week which is nice. It sort of gets me back to where I was when I gained 1kg. Am hoping to get to my Club10 before x-mas. Was a bit upset that I didn't reach my goalweight when I'd set my deadline for (november) but I could have been hard core and done it quickly and not changed my lifestyle. But this way I'm slowly changing my bad habits to better ones and if it takes a little bit longer so be it. Or, that's what I'm telling myself.

AND the biggest news of the day/week/whatever is that I am an auntie. Baby N has a new cousin!! It's a little boy and he's my sister's 2nd child. No name yet but Husband has a bet on one. I'm finding it difficult to think about a name they might use. Baby N and I are skyping with them tomorrow. Yeay!

That's it folks. Sorry for being so shit at updating. Will try harder.

Ha ha ha

2011-11-21T13:47:00.001Z

Last Monday: almost choked to death (not kidding!) and later that same day I fell down the stairs and cracked a rib.

Last Friday: Toddler N and I were close to being chewed on by a dog. Later that night I managed to get a hairline fracture on my shinbone. It hurts. A lot! Don't ask...

and over the weekend Husband and I realised the reason why I've felt so low and miserable for the past month or so. I've got shingles. Again. For the second time in 13 months. Seriously?!

Is this some kind of crap cosmic joke??

I'm not laughing if it is...

Insane Situation

2011-11-18T18:39:00.001Z

I picked up Toddler N from nursery and I'd brought his "small" pushchair. We walked up the hill - it's a nasty hill - and we were at the top when I saw a lady with a dog cross the road in front of us. The lady looked at us and quite abruptly changed direction and started towards me and Toddler N.

When they got closer the dog sort of got a bit "stiff" and started to look towards the push chair and Toddler N. This got me worried. I think you know what I mean when I say "stiff". I've grown up with dogs and always been around dogs and Husband and I are basically just waiting for Toddler N to get a bit older (and more sensible) before we get one of our own so I am quite used to read a dog's body language.

What I mean is that there's is a difference between "oh-this-is-something-new-i-haven't-seen-before-and-I-am-a-little-bit-unconfortable" stiff and "I'm-starting-to-feel-angry" stiff and this dog was definitely the latter kind of stiff. This made me extremely uncomfortable as 1) Toddler N's is sitting in a "perfect" height to get bitten in. 2) Toddler N is very accessible in the small pushchair. 3) Toddler N is at a perfect height to get his face bitten off in just one attack.

Call me neurotic or whatever but I was absolutely bricking it. I got off the sidewalk and walked on the road as we passed them and whadd'ya know - the dog got super tense and started to drag its owner towards us -staring at Toddler N- and growled a not so friendly growl. The Lady just ran forward so she could drag him with her (I guess so she wouldn't pull him backwards which is a big no no with dogs). and I just pushed Toddler N quicker than I ever have before.

If I had been on my own it would have been different and I probably wouldn't have hurried off like that as it can make things worse. But I wasn't going to risk it.

The really weird thing is that I was so focused on getting Toddler N away safely that I didn't say a word and thinking of it, the Lady didn't say anything either. Odd.

And the weirdest thing of all is that when I turned off into our drive, they're behind us!! And this is the opposite direction from where she was walking to when we met -although it was the direction she "abandoned" when she saw us. When I unlocked the door, she stopped and looked at us. How strange and uncomfortable is that on a scale from 1-100??

WHY did she change directions in the first place? Did she just do it so she could pass us? Why did she then change directions again?! And why did she stop to stare at us?? Completely insane situation!!

I was ready to totally freak out but I didn't want to do it when Toddler N was around. I really don't want him to be frightened of dogs or be aware of the fact that a woman was acting like a freakin' nutter around him.

Anyway, nothing happened - Thank God - and I'll be making sure that Husband puts a security chain on our door this weekend.*

3 in a bed

2011-11-15T19:59:00.001Z

I think we'll be 3 in our bed tonight. The Little Man has a really nasty cough and he usually sleeps better [calmer] if he sleeps with us. Or rather, as close to me as is possible without actually being draped over my face... I don't mind, I'm very happy when I get to snuggle up with my son. He used to sleep on my chest when he was a very little baby and I assume that he soon will be too big, too cool to even give his mother a hug so I take what I can, while I can.

And Husband will get the majority of the bed to himself. Oh well, he tried to snuggle up with me and Toddler N this morning before getting up but Toddler N pushed him away and then patted Husband's forehead as if to console him for not getting any cuddles.

Tomorrow we're off to a gallery to [hopefully] buy a painting.

The Fog is Clearing Up

2011-11-15T09:55:00.001Z

I cannot believe that we're more than halfway through November! Weird. But both Husband and I are are starting to get Christmassy which is a nice feeling as the past 2 years we were a bot "off". Last year Toddler N was so little and we only did bare minimum. This year, however, we have started to plan the food, what to buy to people - I have already bought quite a few things for our nieces - and so on. This is very unlike me.

Perhaps it's because our House is starting to feel more "us" as we have now gotten rid of all the bedroom carpets and put down bamboo flooring instead. We've also thrown out an enormous amount of stuff, donated lots to our favourite charity shop. It feels a lot easier to breathe.

And not to forget - Toddler N will be 20 months old so he will definitely be more aware of things and I hope he'll like unwrapping his presents - just one from us - perhaps pulling down the christmas tree and we've decided we're only getting a small one this year for that very reason.

I don't know but I do feel a bit more relaxed, perhaps more "with it" than I have in a long time. There's nothing to plan for (wedding), nothing to do (redecorating the house). The only ting I really, really must do is to get to the post office. It's just that the items are a bit awkward to pack so I have tried a few things but nothing feels secure enough - Husband is at home tomorrow so I've got time to sort it out without being interrupted by Toddler N. Cross your fingers that I finally get this done - I've been horribly rude in my tardiness.

Well, here's a cheer for me feeling a bit more organised and let's hope it sticks.

/toodles

Mommy Tantrums

2011-11-08T17:14:00.000Z

After a weekend of frustration and tempers (mine) boiling over it's now a new week and I am trying to become a better person. To be a person who lets things just wash over me. It'll be difficult but I have to try, for Husband's sake. And I've got the perfect (?) opportunity to try out my, hopefully, newly found patience in a couple of weeks as we're off to Husband's parents' house. So I'll try to smile through things despite that I will have to endure the weekend in a house where the temperature is 13C. Yes.*

Toddler N and I have had some absolutely superb days together. He hasn't had a tantrum (touch wood) for a while so I am not stressed out about it and he is therefore less likely to have another tantrum. We have played, cuddled, danced, cuddled and not to mention the singing... It's a shame I'm not better at it but hey, what can you do?

Anyhow, am soon off to pick up my little man from nursery where he has spent the afternoon, no doubt spending 99% of the time on the slide. He's funny, my little man.

*The fact that my shingles (or where they used to be) are massively panful when it's cold doesn't seem to matter even though I've asked them repeatedly to turn up the heat. and pain does make me ever so cranky. This is the last time I'll go to see them during the cold part of the year unless they can turn the heating up just a little.

Little Man

2011-11-01T19:23:00.000Z

Oh Man, I know they all say it but it's not until you've actually got one of your own that you realise just how true it is.

They Grow Up So Fast!!

Every morning - unless Toddler N is still asleep - we stand in the door to wave Husband/Father off to work. It's a ritual that we all love and cherish.

And last Thursday, shortly after Husband drove off, Toddler N got his lunch bag out of the cupboard, put it on across his chest just like a schoolbag, waved to me and said "bye bye!" and headed off towards the door!

As he walked away from me I said "But Toddler N! If you're going to going to go away you'll need to kiss me good bye first!

And!! He came back. Kissed me with the slobby type of kiss that is the bestest kind in the world , waved and said Bye Bye and walked away again.*

It's heartbreaking, heartwarming and makes me teary eyed and I realised that even though it's still a few years until he does go off to school but it'll feel like a second.

My Baby is growing up so fast!

*He is not able to open/unlock the doors so he didn't get far...

Our Wedding Day/Weekend

2011-10-25T19:56:00.000+01:00

A "little" bit of info for those who'd like to know. And if you don't want to know I'd suggest you stop reading here...

Friday
Had a bbq with the faraway guests and was superstressed so left early to nurse a migraine in peace and quiet at home. This is also the day when Boyfriend and I had one of our worst arguments - ever. Stupid stress.

Saturday

10am - Hairdresser with my sister. Good fun
1pm - Back at my parents' home to get dressed for photos and meet up with Husband-to-be, Best Man, Flower Girl, and Toddler N
3pm - photos taken at the farm and at my parent's home.
3.30 - Husband and Best Man + photographer leaves for church
3.45 - Mom, Dad, Me and Toddler N leaves for church

The "theme" was a country-ish kind of theme so lots of dried wheat in bouquets and rustic stuff. Just the way I wanted it as I am a country girl at heart.

Church 4 pm
As I think it's dull to just sit and wait for the whole shebang to start when at weddings, Husband and I had sorted out some background music for people to listen to while seating/waiting. We picked songs by the Vitamin String Quartet who plays modern music but in a classical style (obviously) and the songs we played were timed to perfection and ended 3 minutes before I "marched" in.

Pre-Ceremony Songs were: Sunday Morning [Velvet Underground], New Slang [The Shins], Say Yes [Elliot Smith], There is a Light That Never Goes Out [The Smiths], Wouldn't it be Nice [Beach Boys], Love will tear us apart [Joy Division], Bad Romance [Lady Gaga], Gold Digger [Kanye West] and Imperial March [Star Wars]

and then my Dad walked me in with FlowerGirl and Toddler N in front of us. My sister was maid of honour and was behind us. As Toddler N turned around after a while he then took my sister's hand and walked up with her. He was so adorable in his suit and I am glad we had him before the wedding as it meant so much sharing it with the two loves of my life.

Boyfriend/Husband teared up as we, his little family, came towards him - so sweet - and I was just laughing the whole time...*

The Service in short:
Entrance music: Jamtlandsk brudmarch [trad.]
Hymn : I denna Ljuva Sommartid [by Paul Gerhardt]
Solo: Sol Vind ochVatten [by Kenth and Ted Gardestad] on flute and guitar by my cousin and her fiance
Marriage ceremony
Poem: Why Marriage? [by Mari Nichols-Haining] read by the Best Man
Solo: Hallelujah [by Leonard Cohen] sung by soloist
Prayers
The Address/Vigseltal
Hymn: Jerusalem [Hymn based on a poem by William Blake]
Solo: Utan dina Andetag [by J.Berg] sung by soloist
Exit music: Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring [by J.S Bach] on piano

And when we came out of the church we realised that my parents had sorted out a horse and carriage for us! Fabulous!! They took us all around the village and it was so lovely! And I got my horsey wedding!

Then we came to the reception venue and took some photos with family and guests before heading indoors for food, food and food galore. (I completely missed the entrees that we had put in some cardboard fish & chips boxes but Husband said the entrees were a bit dry without the dipping sauce so...)

Food:
Toast Skagen
Fillet of pork with lingon and Hasselback potatoes, gravy, sugar snap peas , salad
Creme brulee on raspberry

Wedding cake was Prinsess tarta (a swedish cake) and it was Husband's wish - I was not bothered as long as it wasn't a typical English fruit cake with icing as I can't stand that type of cake (sorry).

Our first dance was to a song called "Fake Empire" by The Nationals and we did quite well although we were a bit quick but we were the only ones who noticed and we had a great time!

Seed packets by the cup

Lots of dancing, talking to friends and family. Lots of drinking for some - I drove afterwards so I stuck to diet coke and water...

EXTRAS
The wedding favours we had were little packets of wildflower seeds with our names and the date on them. I really like them but if anyone will sow the seeds... I have no idea.

Our guestbook was a drawn tree and then the guests were asked to take a thumb-/fingerprint and place it on the tree as a leaf and then sign that leaf. It looks great although we are missing some fingerprints but I guess we'll fake the ones we can't get here in the UK and once we have as many as we can get we'll frame it and put it up somewhere it'll look nice.

Husband signing the "Guest Book"

This day was one of the absolute best days of my life - Toddler N's birth is no.1 - I had such a great time and I can't remember feeling anything but an enormous amount of love. All the stress and worries [and immense irritation towards some of the British guests]

* I was totally fine all through the service until we walked out and in the last pew I saw my "old" Kindergarten teacher, who is terminally ill from cancer and every day counts, and then I totally lost it as I felt so honoured that she chose to come and see us get married on one of her good days. So when we were sat in the "private" room I had to really try and compose myself and the I almost got started again when she hugged me outside the church and said Good Bye in a very final kind of way. I am really touched and honoured that she came to our wedding.

~ ALL photos in this post are by Camilla and all photos are our private photos so

you may not borrow them. I know you understand. Thanks ~

Happy Clappy Ems?

2011-10-24T20:24:00.002+01:00

I thought I would spend the morning at a toddler playgroup and let Toddler N tire himself out for a change. But when we got there it was closed as it is half-term and all schools are closed for a week. I had no idea! Or to be honest, I thought half-term was last week... ooops. But I had a nice chat with the church ladies who were very nice and were very keen for me to come back next week. Husband will say that it's because they want another member it being one of those modern happy clappy churches. He's such a cynic and does not really seem to know me all that well.

Me - Happy Clappy??

Ha!

A Leather and Tweed personality

2011-10-21T17:23:00.000+01:00

Ok, so you caught me doing absolutely nothing on the afternoon that Toddler N is at nursery. The kitchen is a mess. Clothes in boxes as we haven't received all the drawers for the wardrobes yet... and I am sort of drowning from everything the past week. yet again I go from upbeat to really low in a matter of minutes. I am not bipolar but stressed so Husband and I said this afternoon was to be spent doing nada, nothing, ingenting, nichts. So I am doing just that. Ingenting.

But I am trailing youtube for songs that I've always liked but sort of not listening to anymore... and this is the best cover of this song that I am aware of. I was into Marilyn Manson's music quite a bit at the start of uni. Had a full length leather coat (classy) high heeled leather boots (also classy) and I was skinny so had an awesome pair of tight, tight leather pants...* bet you didn't know that. Under this geeky exterior lies a soul colder that ice and all that bitch-nonsense.. well, maybe not anymore but once. When life was oh so much simpler - but not necessarily better. But I admit that sometimes I can feel the uber-bitch wanting to come put and play. So then I listen to some music and transforms into the Ice-Queen** for... oh I don't know.... 3 minutes and 31 seconds. And then I'm good for a while.

I've got an hour before I turn into Toddler N's mom wearing highly modest - very much not leather - when picking him up from nursery.***

Cheerio

*Still have a massive thing for leather. Nothing seedy. But leather boots.. leather bracelets/cuffs. God, I love my leather boots. The Smell of leather... I could stand in a horse and rider shop for ages and just sniff the saddles
**Mrs E used to call me that...
** and not in the sweatpants I am currently slopping around in.

11y + 1d

2011-10-21T08:22:00.002+01:00

11 years and 1 day ago was the day. night that ~~Boyfriend~~ Husband and I met for the first time. And after years of long-distance, moving in together, arguing (oh yes), loving, cuddling and just being together we now are Husband & Wife and most importantly of all; Parents of the most beautiful little boy, who sometimes is a real monster but definitely the greatest gift of all. Yup, Life is Good.

Photographer

{I just might "treat" you to a picture from the early days sometime but don't count on it....}

Autumnal Tuesday

2011-10-18T20:25:00.000+01:00

If you were a fly on the wall in our house you'd probably witness us sing the letters that spell out Toddler N's name. Daily. Several times a day. Silly tune and silly noises but we've stuck to it. And it certainly paid off today!

Toddler N and I came home after a day at nursery (him, not me) and as he's still tired after a week of being ill so we turned the telly on for some "down time" and the "In The Nigh Garden" comes on and he walks up to the telly and points to the "N" and then says his name!!

Yeay!

I got really excited and cheered him and he looked at me like "seriously mom, you act as if I don't know how to spell my own name!! Jeez, you're embarrassing me!"

Oh well, he'd better get used to it. I have a feeling that I am going to be one of those moms. Yessireee.

Ta ta

2011-10-14T19:30:00.001+01:00

Everything I am hurts when by child is poorly. It may just be a cold with a high temperature but as I can't fix it I feel useless and a complete failure as a mother. But he seems to be very content to be snuggled up with his mommy so that's what we've been doing all day and that is a very nice feeling and the only time I forget to stress about tidying up. So the kitchen is a mess and the clearing out of the bedrooms that I should have done this afternoon has not been done. But who cares? I've made my baby feel a little bit better.

My cup runneth over - again and again and again.

Coming or Running Away

2011-10-14T17:52:00.000+01:00

Time - it just never seems to be enough of it. I know that it's all to do with prioritising so there really ought to be enough time for all the important stuff. I really do try to prioritise and yet I never, ever, seem to get to the Post Office to send off some stuff I should have sent aaaages ago. I suck.

Toddler N will be 18 months on Sunday. Shit. Where did that come from?? It seems like it was yesterday when I was all fed up with the contractions and nothing happening and then when The Baby (we didn't know it was a boy) started to get poorly in there it was decided that mommy's tummy was to be sliced open. Best decision EVER! Not only did we get a healthy baby boy but I also really enjoyed (I am sick) the whole theatre experience and I am pretty sure they tightened the skin/tummy afterwards so it was better than it would have been from a natural delivery. Can I complain? Not really.

But about time -
The western world says that "time is running away..." which sort of puts it in a negative spin and makes me feel stressed about "losing" it. In some parts of the Eastern World they say that "time is coming quickly..." or something to that effect. And I have to say that it sounds and feels a lot more positive way of thinking even though both saying mean the same thing.

Anyhow. Time comes fast these days and I've got to learn to keep up.

Toodles.

Just Playing...

2011-10-13T13:29:00.002+01:00

with the layout of the blog. Will probably change little by little...

My cup runneth over...

2011-10-10T19:43:00.001+01:00

Sometimes at night when we're in bed waiting for sleep to come and claim us I hear Husband say "No, Ems! Let him sleep!"

It's because he knows that in that particular moment I've been thinking about going to get Toddler N from his room and bring him into our bed so I can snuggle up with him, nuzzle his ear, breathe in his scent, to gently squeeze a chubby thigh and to just listen to him breathe.

And I know, I know, that even if I don't get to do it (only when Husband is away), it's the best feeling in the world, even just thinking about it. I don't think I could get any happier than in those moments.

...until I later wake up by having a tiny heel shoved in my eye...

Traditional Dalarna

2011-10-07T16:24:00.000+01:00

There is a period in my life I feel both happy and hateful towards and that time is my Uni-time in Sweden. You see, I studied at this place in the middle of Sweden and I really, really did not like living there but to transfer to another place would have meant that I would have had to add on extra years to my degree as other Universities did not accept all courses as "signed off".

The town was lovely in itself and I thought I would like it as it was neither too big nor too small which would make sense for a country girl like me. But the problem was that it was too small to be "big" and too big to be "small". If that makes any sense at all. And I was fairly miserable and it made me dull and boring beyond belief as I stayed in my room/dorm most of the time.

But. I would not have met Husband if I hadn't studied there (they sent us to Sheffield Uni) and Toddler N would, obviously, not exist. Horror!! So I love this place because of that.

And... I just love their traditional crafts. The Dalecarlian horse is beautiful and I have 4 on display in my house. 1 that is from my Paternal Grandmother's family from early 1900's, 1 that was my Maternal Grandmother's from her honeymoon, 1 that my mom got when she was a child on a family holiday and 1 from my our own family holiday when I was 14. And! A-K (a good friend of mine) and her family sent us a lovely cushion cover with such a horse for our wedding! And God help the little nose that wipes snot on that cushion!!*

I would also LOVE to find a really neat print or something similar that would be perfect above the bed. Or dress the headboard in a colourful Kurbits patterned fabric in our "new" bedroom which will basically be just white...

I have found a site where they sell fantastic, fabulous cushions etc but I am not willing to pay £1000 (yes, a thousand pounds) for a cushion. It is possibly to buy a kit but I am not anywhere near good enough to even attempt to do that type of embroidery. But I'm not giving up. Not yet anyway and IF I was to win the EuroMillions then I'll buy one of those cushions. Or 3.

Check out this blog if you're interested.

*Toddler N is currently in a nose-snot-wiping phase, mostly on my sweaters as he comes up from behind and "cuddles", on my face - again in disguise as cuddles - and of course, his own sleeves...

Two Of a Kind

2011-10-06T19:22:00.001+01:00

We have another example of why Husband and I are destined to be together: we seem to do and get everything together!

I had shingles exactly 1 year ago (it's a miracle I didn't top myself dealing with that and a 5.5month old) and waddya know? Husband has got shingles now!! I think it's probably quite rare that 2 fairly young people who are together get shingles within a year of one another. Weird.

I truly hope he doesn't get it as bad as mine were but it's difficult to gauge isn't it? He is, after all, a massive pussy when it comes to dealing with pain ;)

Toodles.

Plump

2011-10-05T19:49:00.000+01:00

I thought I had done so well this week and the scales only tipped -0.6kg. Yes, it's a loss but when I've been so good at it this past week it's quite disappointing. I said so at the meeting (I go to SlimmingWorld), and at the moment I feel a bit down about it but there's no quitting. I'm in it for the long haul. I AM getting down to my target weight and that's that but I'd rather get it done with sooner than later. Oh well, I do enjoy the meetings and the chat we all have.

I guess it's just to bite the bullet and start afresh tomorrow and hopefully I'll be a bigger loser next week and not just a fat loser...

Ta

The Smiths

2011-09-26T12:21:00.004+01:00

I think this could be one of the most beautiful songs ever*

*To clarify: I don't want to die but if it was to happen then I would have no regrets. I have found the love of my life in both Husband and Toddler N. Everyday I feel the kind of love that not even death can ruin. I am at peace with my life and the way I live and love.

I Am A Music Man

2011-09-26T08:49:00.001+01:00

Got a text from Husband who notified me that he was halfway to work before he realised that the music he was listening to on a reasonably high volume was Toddler N's Nursery Rhyme CD.

"Heads Shoulders Knees and Toes. Knees and Toes...!"

Changed Priorities

2011-09-24T13:16:00.001+01:00

A couple of years ago I would have blown the money on shoes - probably another pair of boots - or just blown them on all sorts. But not this time. This time we're buying something I am very, very excited about and that I've been dreaming of for a looooong, long time.

Yes, we're buying a new vacuum cleaner. One of these - and I can't wait! It's a bit sad, I know, but it'll be easier to keep the floors clean as the one we currently have is rubbish, noisy and the cord is ridiculously short and I have to keep switching sockets. We could have replaced it ages ago but it sort of feels like a waste when we managed fine with just the 2 of us and neither of us used to locate things on the floor and put them in our mouths. Well, I didn't and I hope Husband didn't. But the Little Menace - The Love of Our Lives - seems to find the odd speck of dust extremely appetising.

I know it won't solve the problem of the floors getting dirty but with a lighter, less noisy, better suction, less energy using, longer cord and frankly a whole lot nicer to look at, it shouldn't feel like too much of a hassle to pull it out once a day.

I wouldn't mind some new boots though but...

2011-09-22T13:15:00.001+01:00

Toddler N is sleeping in his pram on the patio so I thought I'd "waste" a minute or two while I can... If you could bottle the energy that my little man omits then I'd get everything done before it needed getting done.

Anyway, found this on one of my old students' blogs so I stole it. Enjoy or not...

Are you usually on time? - If I am on my own; YES. If Husband is with me: NEVER! (it's one of the things we argue about.)

Good fitness level? - No. But better than before as I am lighter.

Last time you were photographed? - When we got married August 27th.

How are you? - Fine but constantly tired.

Most common colour in your outfits? - Dunno.

Do you photograph well? - Usually not but I was pleasantly surprised with the wedding photos, probably because I was soooo bloody happy the whole day.

When and why did you cry last? - I shed a little tear when Toddler N helped me hang up towels to dry. Such a sweetie!

Are you embarrassed by that? - No, I cry all the time when it comes to my "baby". I used to be made of stone but not anymore...

Did you have a nice evening last night? - Yes, Husband and I shared a pizza and watched "Grown Ups".

Your "poison" in the morning? - water at the moment but it's getting cold so will switch to tea soon.

Can you cook? - Yes, am quite competent at it if I may say so.

Do you have a healthy lifestyle? - Since May, yes. although I do enjoy the odd "naughty" treat.

Are you shy? - I can be

What time did you get up this morning? - 6.45

How much does it take before you get tipsy? - I've never needed more than a glass of white wine. "Cheap Date" Husband calls it.

Ever vomit in public? - Yes, First time when I was 5 and got sick while in Stockholm and vomited outside a shop. And probably a few times in my teens, one such occasion was right outside the centre court during Swedish Open, Båstad (at night). Am not so proud of that one...

Sleep? - on my stomach which was impossible when pregnant so suffered for 9 months and then some.

What was the last thing you said and to whom? - "Time for 'noozies', N!" when I put Toddler N in the pram for his afternoon nap.

Did you go to a festival this summer? - No

Who do you call when you're upset/angry? - Husband (poor thing)

Anything you need right now? - I wouldn't mind a haircut

Have you got nice shoes? - Do I? Do I?? Shoes are like porn to me (just look at my latest purchase - but mine are more nude coloured)

First thing you said this morning? - what time is it?

Did you sleep in your own bed? - yes, but it will soon become the guest bed.

Did anyone share your bed? - Husband and Toddler N (from early morning)

Driver's License? -Yes, since 1996

Looking forward to anything in particular this week? - going for a coffee with the girls tomorrow afternoon while Toddler N is at nursery (I love him but he doesn't really do the coffee thing very well as he runs around all the time)

That's it. Hope you didn't die of boredom.

Long Time No See or Blogging

2011-09-19T09:38:00.004+01:00

Seriously, what's happened here??

Well, I can think of a few reasons;
1) The wedding (Fantastic and Fabulous and one of the best days of my life!)
2) The wedding (see above)
3) The wedding (see no.1)
4) Am enjoying life a lot right now
5) putting down new hardwood flooring in the bedrooms and hallway upstairs
6) The wedding...

More details will come but I've had a great summer with my HUSBAND and our Amazing Baby/Toddler Noah.

LIFE IS BETTER THAN GOOD AT THE MOMENT!!

Stressed Bliss

2011-08-19T19:10:00.000+01:00

It's been a while because I've been too busy, too stressed and too bloody angry to write here.

Busy due to our upcoming nuptials. Stressed due to upcoming nuptials and Bloody angry due to the absolutely useless people we've managed to become friends with. or some of them anyway.

I completely and totally regret trying to be helpful and sort out accommodation when some are taking the piss and even though we've chased and continuously asked if they want to stay, details of arrival/departure etc. Finally I had enough and said "fuck 'em" they haven't replied so we're not booking a room for them and whadd'ya know. Now they want to get in touch... whatever.

Some of these people I sort of just want to tell: "hand me the present and it better be a BIG one due to the hassle you've caused us and once that's been done - piss off". But I am a better person than that so I won't say it but trust me, they'll know that they've made me more stressfull than what's been needed.

and then there's the soloist who called to say she can't sing all legit reasons, mind you, but still. It didn't slow my heart rate down one bit!

Anyhow, Baby N was an absolute gem during the flight even though I was petrified he'd cause a riot. Such a blessing that little one. Although he's now making up for his good behaviour. He's a MENACE!! We have to keep an eye on him every second he's awake. I'd laugh if I wasn't so exhausted.

Boyfriend's coming tomorrow and I've missed him. I keep telling myself, when everything feels like it's going to crumble, that this is to make me and Boyfriend husband and wife and we already have Baby N so everything else is just minor stuff.

Am looking forward to it though and it'll be so much fun seeing people I ahven't seen for aaages. Yup, this is a good thing. It truly is. <3

xxx

Please Help.

2011-08-08T19:49:00.003+01:00

Boyfriend spends quite a lot of time and money on his website he has agreed to donate the same amount as he pays for his monthly direct debit for webhosting-thingy-whatever to a charity of my choice and I have decided that it will go to the starving children in East Africa. A tiny little medical pack that can save the life of a child costs as little as $1.

$1! One lousy US dollar* to save a child. Isn't it ridiculous??

It's my responsibility to help. What about you?? Can you give up that pint, that chocolate bar, that coffee for just one day/time and possibly save a child? It's not too much to ask, is it?? Please don't turn away from them. Find your nearest help organisation and give what you can. Every penny counts. Literally!

Thank you!

*It's extra lousy now!

Oh dear!

2011-08-05T21:52:00.000+01:00

I just recieved a msg on Facebook regarding the high school re-union I am attending. It's not like I've forgotten but I realised that it is on next week!! Oh my god!

I have so much to do in preparation for me and Baby N going home on Wednesday that I could use 36hour days, preferably 48 but I'm not greedy...

On another note: Boyfriend and I just watched Horrible Bosses and I really enjoyed it, especially Aniston. She played a totally different character to what she usually does and she was great at being a total cow. It must be fun to be naughty when everyone has got a view of you being a nice wholesome girl. Brilliant! And an awesome body too!

Ta ta.

Feeling Hot Hot Hot

2011-08-01T14:34:00.000+01:00

Today is the kind of hot, overcast and sweaty day that makes you really snoozy which means that Baby N's afternoon nap is very much appreciated today!

Sweaty - you know when you ask yourself "Did I skip my morning shower today?" even though you know full well that you didn't? Yup, that's how sweaty this day is. Went upstairs to change Baby N's nappy and sweat went "flowing" down my back. Not so nice.

While on the subject of "hotness" - I may not have lost enough weight to make me a skinny bride but my legs are looking good. very good, in fact - if I may say so myself. Now I've got to find something to wear that'll show 'em off!

Also heard a "I saw you yesterday at so and so" which means that person saw me being well p-ed off with Boyfriend for making us late... oh well - yesterday was also a hot-sweaty kind of day when tempers run high.

Oh hell, who am I kidding? My temper is always running high!

A Bad Mommy

2011-07-29T09:47:00.000+01:00

Baby N woke up at 4.15 this morning. Or should it be "night"? It certainly wasn't time for either body or mind to wake up. After a while it was apparent that he would not go back to sleep. We tried him in our bed. A tiny heel being kicking the side of your head is slightly better than one on the nose but not much.

I'm not a pleasant person to be around at 4 in the morning. I know it. Everyone else knows it. Baby N will learn to know it.

I said [muttered/hissed/spat out] to Boyfriend that I wanted to put Baby N out for the milkman. Boyfriend, science and logic is all that exists to him, calmly and rationally informed me that we do not get milk delivered so there's no point in putting Baby N on the doorstep.

There's just no way to hide from awake toddlers and/or rational Boyfriends at that time of the morning.
Give me strength!!

A Nonsense Kind of Problem

2011-07-28T16:21:00.000+01:00

I need more BOOKS. Like a fish needs water or an elephant its trunk. I NEED more books.

Ironic

2011-07-27T23:25:00.000+01:00

Sometimes after I've changed Baby N's nappy it only takes two minutes before I can see and hear things happening. In other words, he poops because, and this is my guess, it's probably nicer to do it in a dry nappy than in a wet one. And I always think; "if only I'd waited 2 minutes and I wouldn't have had to change it twice!" this because he's no longer happy lying still and a wriggling baby with a poopy nappy is not an easy task.

But I digress. The thing is that it wouldn't have mattered if I'd waited an extra 2 or 20 minutes, he still would have waited for a dry nappy before dirtying it. And that's just how life can be. It doesn't matter what you do, shit will happen anyway.

I guess it all depends on how good you are at cleaning it up and I am getting the hang of it. Thank God for disposable nappies though! It means you can get rid of it straight away.

Sorta.

Norway 22 July 2011

2011-07-25T09:37:00.000+01:00

There are no words to describe the horror that unfolded in Norway on the22nd of July 2011. So many, many people killed by a madman.

I've cried. I still cry when I think about the sheer terror they must have felt trying to hide, hearing him come closer, hearing friends and loved ones die. The waiting. The panic. wanting to call home, to speak to family for what might be the last time. Fear of calling home in case he hears it. The water. Stay or swim? Cold water. Currents. Limbs cramping up from panic and cold. Hide. "If I close my eyes so that I cannot see him come, would it mean I cannot be seen by him?"

I think about how I would have reacted and realise that I don't know. I guess it's something you'll never know until... and I pray that I'll never have to find out. That no one should have to find out ever again. One man has destroyed so many lives and affected so many more. We have to make sure that his vision for a more culture-conservative western Europe never happens. Terror cannot win. Love and respect for one and other MUST win. We must stand together, as one, as show with actions, words and kindness that he and the likes of him will fail no matter how hard they try. That we can move around, live in a society where we should not have to fear these things because no one should ever consider committing such crimes, to show such hate.

Love is the only way forward.

I did, however, squeeze Baby N extra hard when hugging him to say "bye" as I dropped him off at nursery earlier. All children should always, always come home from wherever they go.

My thoughts are with Norway and its people. And all my love.

Ems

A Never Ending List

2011-07-19T12:07:00.000+01:00

As soon as you've crossed something off this darned wedding list something else needs to be put on or at least dealt with. Thus adding more stress on moi. And "moi" is getting seriously fed up.

Seriously. Fed. Up.

Last night something reg children cropped up. And now I'll be Da Bitch Bridezilla because OTHER people are saying "ok" to something Boyfriend and I have said "rather not" to.

And what is the deal with not RSVP:ing?? The Brits are absolutely godawful. Most polite people in the world. Yeah, my patoot that they are! I may leave things to the last minute but it gets done before deadline.

I ain't the ulcer type, but I'm always worrying about something

2011-07-12T09:55:00.000+01:00

And there it is.... the result of all stress and worry about stuff that's normal to worry about or stuff I just stress about anyway.

Let me introduce you to my new, always there "Best" Friend, who makes me pop pills like Skittles:

Ms Ulcer

Dammit! Yet another thing to worry about.

Hag-Do & Baby Love

2011-07-11T08:54:00.001+01:00

Boyfriend and I had a combined hen-do and stag-night this past weekend. Boyfriend's Best Man arranged for us and our closest friends to go to Oulton Hall outside Leeds for a weekend of relax and FUN. The boys played golf on saturday afternoon while us girls headed for the spa.

I was fan-bloody-tastic! I really, really needed that full body massage!

And in the evening we had a 3 course meal with "how well do you know each other" games and it was obvious that Boyfriend and I know each other disgustingly well. I say it's all down to those years spent as long-distance where telephone and emails were the only form of contact we had.

Anyhow. It was amazingly fun! I haven't had such a good time whilst still knowing that I wouldn't wake up totally exhausted. Great! Sunday am was also spent at the Spa but only to wander in between the sauna, pool, steam room, cold shower, sauna....

I cannot explain how lovely it was although I missed Baby N the whole time and was upset that I wouldn't get to snuggle with him on Sunday morning as I woke up at 5 anyway. Oh well.

And for those of you who feel that Boyfriend is missing out on a massive "piss up" - don't worry. They're going to have a night out for him when I've gone off to Sweden in august. He'll get his fill.

And then there's my ulcer and all that but for now I'll just focus on how much fun the weekend was and how happy I was to snuggle up with the little Fart-Man even though he wakes up ridiculously early.

Spotify whilst cleaning

2011-07-08T13:20:00.001+01:00

Sophie Ellis-Bextor is, in my opinion, one of the most gorgeous women in the world AND she makes great music too! It sure makes the cleaning less painful.

{pic from here}

Thur-Schizo-Day

2011-07-08T09:10:00.000+01:00

Baby N and I had a bit of a schizo day yesterday. One minute he was as happy as can be and we were chasing each other whilst laughing our heads off and the next minute he was an absolute nightmare - screaming, screaming and hitting everything!

I had to go into town yesterday and from the moment he got his nappy changed at M&S's baby-room he was horrid. it just went on and on and on and on (you get the picture) and as I'm already extremely stressed it culminated with me throwing up at Boots. In their baby-room in which I was alone (thankfully).

Everything is getting to me at the moment and I guess the crying just pushed me over the edge physically.

But as always there's an end to everything and after we'd been home for a while Baby N came up to me and wanted to snuggle [all bad stuff got erased straight away] and then we played "hide a ball under a cup and guess which one". This is one of Baby N's favourite games and he applauds himself whether he gets it right or not and how can anyone stay upset after seeing such joy?

I'm sure he's mistaken

2011-07-07T09:31:00.000+01:00

It sorta sucks when you are waiting for a parcel and the delivery van/man that's outside your house goes into the house opposite.

Yup, sucky it is.

Super Boring Post

2011-07-04T08:43:00.000+01:00

Went to a baby shower yesterday afternoon and we had a great time. Baby N was on his best behaviour and charmed everyone and seemed to have loads of fun walking up to different guests the whole time. It also seems to have worn him out as when we got back at 6pm (where did the afternoon go) he just wanted to have a bath, which is pure JOY for this little man, and then he went to bed.

The Baby Shower was really superb and as it was hot hot hot we made use of the open bar and I had loads of diet coke to cool off. Crazy weather!! And today it's quite humid and overcast so we'll probably get a thunderstorm soon, I hope!

That was it. Oh, no wait. I also had on a new really pretty, colourful dress and it was perfect for a day like yesterday. It looks as if it could be a "Damsel in a Dress"- dress but it isn't so it is about £150 cheaper... bargain!! I'm very pleased.

Now, I'm done.

See ya when I've got something more exciting to say.

He put the eye on me

2011-06-26T09:51:00.000+01:00

Last night after my ablutions it felt as if I'd gotten en eyelash in my eye and as I'd found the perfect, most comfy position in bed I tried to "blink" it away as I really did not want to have to get up. It took me a while until it didn't hurt [as much] and I thought to myself that " ah, it'll sort itself out during the night".

And it did. The eyelash found its way out and left me with an eye infection...

It just so happens that we're off to church for a baptism today. He just had to make a way for everyone to notice my laziness and probably as a bit of punishment for me wanting to get married in church and never actually going to church.

Dammit.

Pierced Nose & Uniforms

2011-06-22T20:21:00.000+01:00

I am fully aware of the fact that I am quite conservative when it comes to schools. Perhaps it's because I, in heart and soul, am a teacher. I don't know. But I do know that when I lived in Sweden some thought/felt that my views were strict considering I am very liberal in most other things (or at least when it comes to people and their way of life).

There is now a couple of articles in Swedish newspapers about a girl who wanted to go to a different school but they sent her home as her nose piercing is against their dress code. This seems to have caused an uproar about being allowed to express one's individuality through clothing etc etc.

I am sorry, but I do think that schools should have "rules" regarding appearance. My main reason is that schools also prepare the students for life. And in life you will have to dress appropriately for work. Not all types of work allows for the employee to dress exactly the way they like.

I like uniforms. It's on the list of things that are better in the UK than in Sweden (that part of the list is very short). No stress for parents to spend loads of money on the latest fashion [that'll last all of 5 minutes] or fear that their child will be bullied. No panic in the mornings. And no bullying. Children can be very ~~mean~~ evil and they will always find things to tease/bully each other about but at least not about what they're wearing! And it looks sooooo nice when they're all dressed appropriately for their ages and in neat and simple clothes. They do have spare time to dress in whatever they want to and also learn to separate school/work and personal life. I think, however, that older students could/should be allowed to wear personal clothes but still adhere to a dress code.

So, do I feel for the girl who isn't allowed to have her piercing while at school? No. Not really. Put it back in as soon as you leave the school area. Simple. Or pierce something somewhere else on your body that isn't visible. But I guess it was the visible statement she was after and not much else.

I think it'll be great when Baby N goes to school and he gets to wear a uniform and when he comes home from school he can wear whatever he wants and make a mental as well as a physical distinction between work and relaxation. Stress is very much a problem in the western world today and I do believe that even such small things can make a difference. Not to mention how much more appealing it will be to not see scruffy clothes in either school or workplace.

But hey, that's just me.

In Which There...

2011-06-11T18:58:00.000+01:00

...is a more quality sense of stress. "Quality" as in "not about to stick my finger in a wall socket and electrocute myself" type of quality. So, in other words, a lot better!!

Baby N has been quite poorly so most nights have been spent comforting the little 'fart' but he seems to be on the mends so...

Have also gotten more things sorted for the wedding. Little things but oh so important for the overall feel. Still need to get those shoes though. Should I be bold and buy shoes over the internet or go into town and get a "safer" pair in both colour and fit?

Hmmmm....

Prepare for Impact

2011-05-18T09:53:00.000+01:00

I'm so close to the wall that I can smell the mortar.

Don't ask

2011-05-17T13:36:00.001+01:00

Q: What do you get if you give a blonde a tube of superglue?!

A: jeans superglued to the nail of my right big toe....

Ka-Pow

2011-05-10T14:50:00.000+01:00

and there it was - Ka-Pow

Boyfriend and I discussed yesterday that I didn't feel the word "happy" was adequate for how I am feeling and we agreed that I should use the word "happiness".

And today I'm feeling lower than I have in a loooong time. I'm still experiencing "happiness" but obviously there had to be something to balance it all, hence a kick in the teeth - just to make sure I wasn't getting too much happiness.

Poop.

Going Crazy

2011-05-05T09:38:00.000+01:00

I think I am a little stressed. I'm having trouble separating thoughts and discussions - I can only concentrate on one thing at a time so no multi-tasking. If I ask Boyfriend for the time I'll ask him about 4 times before I can take it in despite having listened to his answer.

There's so much to do and Baby N is super active and leaves me to no time to do anything. I'm lucky if I have time to the washing up after his meals! I also have neglected to send off the presents I've bought to my friends who've had babies... I know that they're "there" but for some reason it feels like a momentous task to get it done and I'm shying away from it. So if you're reading this (new mommies) I'm not dissing you or your babies. I am just...sorta....out of touch with reality and myself at the moment.

Baby N's suffering from Night Terrors. It's awful! The sleep depravation is one thing but the worst thing is the feeling of being an utterly and completely useless mom when I can't help him feeling better. To just stand and watch your child scream and thrash around is heart breaking. I hate it.

The Night Terrors also makes the wedding fade away. It doesn't feel as important to hunt for The Dress as it is making sure Baby N gets his naps and playtime during the day in an attempt to eliminate the Night Terrors. And even though it [the wedding] comes 2nd by choice it still instills a lot of stress and guilt for not sorting it and myself out. Oh well, I guess I'll make my second wedding picture perfect.

Time is relative

2011-04-18T08:55:00.000+01:00

I'm sure this past year has felt ridiculously long to some and to others, like me and Boyfriend, it has flown by like a whirlwind... I cannot believe that Baby N chose us as parents and "popped out" to say hello 1 year and 2 days ago. His birthday was spent relaxing and cuddling and doing things just for Baby N, just the way it should be. This little boy is the absolute joy and love of our lives.

Love and Fear are my companions

2011-04-14T09:44:00.003+01:00

Some years ago I was asked by a reporter from the Uni radio* what, if anything, I was frightened of. Those who have been following this blog will know that the movie The Descent scared the living daylight out of me, so I said "the creatures from The Descent". The guy looked a little taken aback by my answer but ...

And now I am happy (?) to say that the answer has been totally different for the last 21 months, and even more so 2 nights ago. You see, Baby N (the love of my life) was very unsettled and kept waking up so finally I brought him downstairs. He was warm, not overly so but still warm so we tried to cool him down. And then, all of a sudden, his lips and right cheek just swelled up. Just like that!

The mommy-heart went into overdrive and I just held him close, rocking back and forth while we tried to figure out what it was.** His breathing was fine so we decided to stay at home rather than upsetting him further by going to the A&E. Boyfriend (a GP) was cool, calm and collected - all the while I was screaming on the inside - and sure enough, the swelling disappeared after a while. But I was not willing to let go of Baby N so he came to bed with us and slept right next to me while I kept on feeling his face, listening to his breathing and making sure he was comfortable all night.

Now, all those creatures in The Descent have disappeared into oblivion and they're not what scares me the most.

A mother's worst nightmare does not bear thinking about.

* I must have looked young enough to be a student, or dumb enough to still be one - take your pick...
** Me: Oh My God, Boyfriend!Do something!! You're the Doctor! What else are you good for?? DO SOMETHING FOR F's SAKE!!
Boyfriend: Just calm down, Ems. His breathing is fine and he's relaxed with you. Calm down or you'll upset him.
Me: Omigodomigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod....

Vroom Vroom

2011-04-12T09:21:00.001+01:00

I just love this car that Baby N got from my parents. The red colour makes me super happy whenever I see it. I have the car on display on the TV-stand when Baby N doesn't want to play with it. That's how pretty it is. + it's a wholesome wooden thing as well!!

I-Hope-It-Didn't-Look-Like-That-Last-Night!

2011-04-07T19:55:00.000+01:00

I went out for a drink/meal with a friend last night and let me tell you that I just cannot remember the last time that happened. Way, way before Baby N! Boyfriend and I enjoy going out so we've always done that together, before and after Baby N.

Anyway, I got home at 22.00. V had work today (like most people) and I was a little bit concerned that it would be a night of comforting Baby N as he had a bit of a temperature - no worries there though. Once I got home I just climbed into bed without bothering about removing my make-up. Brushing teeth when I am exhausted - that I can do - but not the rest.

I didn't look in the mirror this morning as I usually get ready a bit later on when Baby N is happy to be confined in his cot (he can't get out and so I know where he is while I'm in the shower), and when I finally did - Oh My! There were only remnants of make-up on my left eye. The right one was completely nude/bare/unmade-up. I had a moment of panic and thought "shit, I've really become a mom, the kind that leaves the house, child all sorted, but with slippers, rollers in hair and possibly yesterday's knickers hanging out from the trouserleg"...

I think I put make-up on both eyes but I cannot be 100% sure.

Competition with Lady Thirty

2011-04-05T20:27:00.000+01:00

I'm in it to win a tote with Lady Thirty on it. Simply because I think she's brilliant and there are times, not always, when I definitely can see myself in her illustrations.

Yup.

Missing

2011-04-04T16:01:00.001+01:00

Where did the lovely weather go??

Please come back! I miss you!

<3 <3 <3

ECO-rage

2011-04-04T12:27:00.000+01:00

I get riled up for the little things. Little things that other people see as silly but things that are important to me. Like recycling. And not being listened to. I know that other people have different views on recycling and that's fair enough but I want to do MY bit for the environment and for the future.

It sounds very grand for one person and trust me, I'm not running around in hemp clothing or straw sandals but I want to make sure that Baby N grows up in a home where it comes natural to recycle household items.

Boyfriend's parents aren't as bothered. Yesterday my future MiL picked up a little brochure that had fallen out of the paper recycling-box and asked "what's this?" and I said "it's for recycling and must have fallen out of the box." "Ok" she says and throws it in the general trash.

I just hate when people make an active effort to NOT listen. It's probably the one thing that could make me commit murder. Yes, it is.

Modern Family

2011-03-29T16:09:00.001+01:00

Yes, I know that we are unfashionably behind everyone else when it comes to Modern Family. We happened to catch the pilot-episode on telly and we just could not stop laughing. And because Sky+ didn't series link it properly we decided to just buy the DVD instead.

The show just gets better and better. It's unbelievably funny. While other comedy shows tend to feel unrealistic this one does not. I can see these little "events" happen to us, my family etc. Not to mention that Boyfriend and I have sussed out which character the other one is most like. And we totally agree.

Boyfriend is so Phil. There's no point denying it. there's no way to describe Phil/Boyfriend, just watch the show and you'll know...

I, on the other hand, am a mix of two: Gloria for her temper (I wish it was for her body) and Mitchell for his correctness and snobby traits. They also happen to be my favourites in the show!

Project Runway

2011-03-25T11:58:00.002Z

Since neither Boyfriend nor I can wait until the slow-ass TV decides to show season 7, we've had to order it from the US. Once we've geeked our way through that we'll order season 8.

I so like a good show!

Did he? Did he?

2011-03-24T08:46:00.000Z

No. Our day started at 5.28am and when Boyfriend was getting ready to leave for work at 7.20, the little Monster had the audacity to yawn!

I am now keeping him awake until it's his normal morning naptime. I don't feel as bad about it as I probably should. Evil Mommy, that's me.

Time Management

2011-03-23T21:01:00.000Z

Since Baby N's arrival we've had a lot less sleep. A lot less sleep. This is not always a good thing but a lot of the time it is. It's not bad when you've done loads of stuff i.e. tidied the house, done a couple of loads of laundry, hung it out to dry, played with Baby N, fed Baby N, sorted out lunch for us "grown-ups", been for a looong walk, a nice little snack in the Botanical Garden, taken lots and lots of photos of Baby N, planned other stuff and when you get back you realise that it's still early afternoon!

But it sort of makes me think: What time did I get up? Seriously?!

And by 20.30 that night you just want to fall face-first into your pillow and pray that the Little Monster will snooze till at least 7 tomorrow morning. And I might win the Euro Million Lottery without actually buying a ticket.

Not in Print

2011-03-21T12:31:00.000Z

I was going to write something I found hilarious but it just doesn't work written down. Oh well. I am sure your lives will go on just fine without that little tidbit.

You won't know the difference anyway.

Levitating

2011-03-19T22:06:00.000Z

I stumbled upon this article and subsequently had a look at her website and I fell in love.

How Simple! How Striking! How Brilliant!

Query x 3

2011-03-06T19:33:00.000Z

Where did the weekend go? And where is my weekend treat?? Why did I not buy any???

Darn it.

LOL

2011-03-04T19:57:00.000Z

No, I am not "laughing out loud". I am now officially a "Lady of Leisure". Come summer I'll be sitting out on the patio drinking martinis by 11am... Yes sireeee!

picture found at this site

Is it really a problem?

2011-02-27T20:39:00.000Z

Baby N has started nursery. Well, 2 half days a week and he missed last Friday afternoon due to the tummy bug so only been last monday and then only 2,5 hours.. The "problem" is that if he's to be there the full half day means that he would start at 8am.

And. I. Think. It's. Seriously. A. Little. Too. Early

I don't know if I can get a baby fed, clothed, lunch bag packed, me showered, hair dried, mascara-ed, clothed and walk us down to be there at 8 or shortly thereafter. And keeping said baby happy.

I used to be so organized. What happened?? + it's very nice to snooze till 7.30 if Baby N is in a snoozy mood - who am I to wake him up? That'd be rude.

Get me to the labor ward

2011-02-25T12:42:00.001Z

Baby N got a tummy bug from nursery and poor little thing, he's been so upset and almost looks apologetic when his nappy has been dirty. I feel so sorry for him and yesterday evening I just bawled because I couldn't help him and when cleaning his bum-bum he cried even more as it's so sore. I felt like an absolutely useless mommy.

I know he needs to get through these things but it's so difficult to not be able and help him.

And last night... I got it too. Good Lord. I cannot remember a time when I was in such agony. Boyfriend said "labor?" and let me tell you: Labour is a piece of cake compared to this. Luckily I also have the bestest Boyfriend ever and he helped me through the night. Not that I needed any help but he waited outside the bathroom to make sure I was ok. He even said he'd hold the bucket if I wanted him to. But I love him a little bit too much to ask for that.

Baby N has been very subdued all day so far so it's been lots of cuddles on the sofa and lots of little snoozes in the pram in the beautiful spring weather.

What a Night!!

2011-02-22T08:40:00.000Z

But not the kind you'd like to think it was.

Poor Baby N wasn't very well and spent a great deal of the night being upset. It started at about 9pm when he woke up and was very hot and only calmed down when we gave him some formula and then he fell asleep in my arms!! It's so lovely and he hasn't done that since he was a tiiinsy tiny baby so we realised he wasn't well.

We moved him from his cot at around midnight, and put him between us where he settled and had a good snooze. But then he woke up again at 2.30 and was very difficult to calm down, we tried everything and finally he settled, this time in his own bed with his mobile on Bach's "Oh Jesu Joy of Man".

Poor little thing. He's now making up for the loss of sleep in his pram outside where it's nice air and probably a lot easier to breathe with such a mucus-y nose.

Nothing to do....

2011-02-21T13:51:00.000Z

...put some mustard in a shoe.

Isn't it funny how some things stick and others just disappear and you'll never remember having seen or heard about it? We learnt a rhyme in English class when we were 10 and this is all I can remember of it although there was also something about "...dry some jelly on a latch..."?!

Baby N had a longer day at nursery today. Well, when I say "longer" I mean 2,5 hours. He could have stayed the whole morning session (5 hours) but I like to think it's better to let him get used to it little by little. Or is it me who need to get used to not having him around?

I went home and just sat down for those 2+ hours and I kept thinking hearing him "has he woken up?" etc etc. Very strange and I must say that it did feel like a piece (a big one) was missing. It's not the first time we've been apart but the first time since he's more aware.

He'd had fun although was a bit upset when I came to pick him up. He didn't like people disappearing through the door and this when the other babies had their lunch so they kept going to/coming back from the kitchen and this was not a good thing according to Baby N.

He was absolutely exhausted when we got home and as soon he'd had his lunch he kept yawning and didn't complain at all when he got into the pram and by the time I'd rolled the pram outside he was fast asleep.

Conclusion:
Baby N was busy playing at nursery whereas Mommy got all confused and didn't know what to do so just sat on the sofa the whole time...

Pity Me!!

2011-02-19T10:11:00.000Z

I'll probably be responsible for 3 acres of deforestation in the Amazon once this cold is over due to the amount of tissue I'm going through...*

I've just sent Boyfriend to the grocery store to do our weekly shop and I've told him to not bother coming back unless there are looooooads of sweets and chocolate in the bags when he's done. This cold is making me I feel rough as ******** and the only thing that I crave is naughty stuff. He'll experience severe trouble walking if he tells me to eat another banana.

*There's an enormous amount of self-pitying here

Cold Love

2011-02-18T08:41:00.000Z

I have come to realise that when your child gets a cold, you get one too. And it's no wonder with the snotty kisses, in-your-face-sneezes, wanting to feed you a soggy piece of pancake and the nose to nose morning snoozes.

How could I refuse any of the above [yucky as some of it is]?! He's just wanting to show how much he loves his mommy. And that is the best feeling in the world!

Worried

2011-02-17T07:29:00.001Z

One of "my girls" is out travelling and is currently in Hanoi, Vietnam. Today I started up the internet to read some news from back home and the main story is that 2 Swedish girls in their early 20's have drowned just outside of Hanoi.... it made me feel sick and I wont be able to relax until I know she's ok.

I just can't express how worried I am.

Update: T is fine!! They were not in that particular area but was on one of those types of boats only 2 weeks ago. I can relax a bit now. I'm such a worrier - I'll probably go crazy when Baby N decides he is old enough to travel without mommy and daddy...

No wonder it makes us dumberer...

2011-02-15T19:04:00.001Z

We have X number of TV-Channels. A lot of channels. Last weekend, through mistakenly pressing a 9 instead of a 3 (remote control was upside down), I discovered we had several more. Ok, so they were "adult" channels* and not something I'd like to watch while having dinner or at all, really. But still. A lot of channels.

Baby N has gone to bed as he's a little bit under the weather and not his usual self and I am sitting in front of the telly just clicking through the tv-list in hope of finding something watchable which in itself is stupid as I didn't find anything 3 minutes ago. It's sort of like checking the fridge for the umpteenth time in one hour hoping that something tasty will be in there...

Oh, Oh wait! Here's something! On Movies24+.

2012: Supernova [and I quote the Info-button] "Spectacular disaster thriller starring Brian Krause (Charmed). A scientist must try to save Earth when a far away star explodes."

Maybe not...

*it was some sort of phone-in [silent] and oh boy, did the girls look bored or what?

The Wedding Squabble

2011-02-14T17:03:00.001Z

I told you in the last post that we'd had a bit of an argument re. the wedding. And it may not seem like a big deal to anyone else but it was to me!

Anyhow, the Save the Date Cards have been sorted for ages and I asked Boyfriend to get addresses for "his" guests/relatives etc etc. And nothing happened. I asked again. Nothing happened. I got some addresses on my own and asked him for the others. Nothing happened. And I got fed up. Not only is it terribly rude to not send out to some guests - as they know others have received the cards - but it's WRONG, bad manners, crap upbringing, embarrassing etc etc.

And the actual invites... I found samples of some that I liked. Boyfriend didn't like the "font", the "wording", the x, the y or the z. He was to do it on the Mac. I'm all for keeping costs down and to make the invites ourselves but nothing I showed was good enough*. But did he come up with alternatives? Did he even try to make a template on his Mac? Did he suggest we were to go and look at different types of paper? Nooooooooooooooo!

So I threw a little tantrum and ~~said~~ shouted that I wasn't the only one getting married and yes, I know he's busy but if the non-commitment he was showing was a way of saying he didn't want to get married then just F-ing say so! I also said that if we cancelled now we'd only lose couple of hundred pounds. But if he was still "on" the he'd need to step up and at least help with the stuff he'd promised. Simple, Easy.

I don't think he knew what to say so started to argue back, saying how he had the missing addresses (actually) and they were in his iPhone so I could have looked there myself, yada yada yada. As if I would! and how did I know he had the addresses? Anyhow, petty things like that but we both knew who was right and it sure as hell wasn't him.

But he got his thumbs [both hands, really] out and later that evening we had, together, produced a very nice invitation on his Mac. He has since also taken me to the special stationary shop to choose paper and envelopes. And (!) and (!!) and (!!!) he decided he wanted a specific "hole-punch" that will round the edges of the invites as they'll look "even more classy". All on his own.

Sometimes they just need a shock, a kick up the old behind, or just a screaming wife-to-be. And I can do all those things. I'm quite good at it. Yup.

*You might say I should have made some by myself but trust me, it would have been Times New Roman, font size 12 on an A4. I could try but that's what they would have ended up like.

Yada yada Update

2011-02-11T09:53:00.001Z

My parents came for a long weekend and as always did loooooads of stuff. My dad can't just sit and relax so he went into his "terminator" mode and as he walked around the house zoomed in on things he could sort out. So he put down new floor in the downstairs loo, the utility area and the hallway that goes to the garage... the he sorted out the extractor fan in the upstairs bathroom, had a poke around in the attic to check it was ok (wanted us to go and buy a fold-down stepladder so he could install that), fixed the leak in the garage roof and in between spent the time on the floor playing with Baby N. Mom baked and baked and sorted out the garage and kept Baby N happy with lots of cuddles and playtime. 4 days don't always seem so much but when they sure know how to do a lot in those 4 days.

They left on the Monday and then all hell broke lose in terms of migraine, it'd probably been cooking for a few days because it was awful. As bad as it's ever been. Auras, nausea and P A I N... it's still lingering around so can't relax properly but Baby N's been an angel and so easy to have around that it's not been anywhere near as bad as it could have been. Imagine a screaming baby whilst suffering from the worst migraine of your life??

Anyhow, also had a row with Boyfriend about wedding but will tell more another time... it's still on so nothing major ;)

Fly on the Wall

2011-02-03T10:05:00.000Z

I'm really into Guiliana & Bill on E!

When did this happen??

Blue Blood

2011-02-02T21:11:00.000Z

So, in the previous post I was bitching about the lack of good TV, especially on Saturdays, but it's also true in general. But. But. But.

SKY Atlantic started yesterday and we're already hooked. We've Sky +ed Boardwalk Empire and Blue Blood and Blue Blood has started out great (we're saving B.E for another day).

Tom Selleck is looking good...

Saturday Night Life

2011-01-30T10:51:00.003Z

WHY is it that there is nothing (N O T H I N G) on telly on Saturday nights?? Is it because you're supposed to be out clubbing, drinking or whatever it is people do nowadays? But what about us who stay in because we DO NOT want to go out, because we have a baby, because going out means you're fighting for space with teenagers, drunken students? Because we don't have what others see as a "life"?

Are we not to be able to sit and have a cosy night in and watch something good? I mean, The Princess Bride? On TV for the 3rd time this week?? Come on!!

I'm putting my hopes on SKY Atlantic Channel that starts tomorrow. HBO programmes i.e. The Sopranos, Boardwalk Empire, Blue Blood and Weeds etc etc.

Pffffft.

Polo

2011-01-28T19:29:00.003Z

Am watching a game of Polo on telly
while waiting
for Boyfriend to come home
and
the Little Fella is
asleep upstairs.

Life could be worse...

Picture borrowed from here

Afternoon Check

2011-01-27T15:11:00.004Z

Baby N's afternoon nap
Cut down bush in garden
Garden waste put in bags for compost pick-up this week
Load/empty washing machine x 3
Prepare tonight's dinner
Read Swedish books for Baby N
Clean floors in living room/kitchen/hall
kick flower [now on the patio] that smells of wee.
set up coffee/tea date with G who's going to be a mommy.
Song-time with Baby N
A quick chat with Boyfriend
Get a craving for tacos
Try to explain for Baby N that mommy's mobile isn't for biting/drooling.

Ok, so the last one was not successful but maybe tomorrow... Now some "yogo" for Baby N who beats his mom hands down as he can put his toes in his mouth!

I Love My Family

2011-01-27T11:15:00.002Z

I had a wonderful day yesterday with Boyfriend and Baby N. We went to the shopping centre to return a pair of jeans and I also tried on some more and realised that with a little bit more tweaking and sensible eating I'll be back in my 'pre-preggo' sized jeans very soon. And it was a tight pair too. So that made me quite pleased with myself. It's nice to see that there's a difference.

Baby N was amazing at the restaurant, he ate his own food (wolfed it down), then some of our chicken and then some fruit purée for dessert. All the while smiling and flirting with everyone within a 10 metre radius. He's been such a happy baby these past 4 weeks, I think the teething business has taken a break + he loves playing with his toys on his own although he keeps an eye out for me.

This morning he woke up at 5.30 and was hungry so we gave him a bottle and then he feel asleep again cheek to cheek with me in our bed and we stayed like that till 8 o'clock. He then woke up laughing and grabbed my hair to pull me closer and then he gave me a big slobbering kiss. It's the best feeling ever, even if you have drool all over your face and your hair is being pulled out.

It's the type of love you could explode from.

sWEEt?

2011-01-25T19:27:00.002Z

Yesterday I was carrying Baby N through the kitchen when I thought "Gee, he must have wee-weed for an entire army. He stinks of pee!" So I checked and no. No pee. A little while later the same thing happens again. No wee in Baby N's nappy and I start becoming a little bit paranoid.
"God, is it me?! Do I smell of wee-wee? Is this the water-incontinence that can follow pregnancy?! Holy shit!!"

But, Thank God!, it wasn't me either! So I started sniffing around and I realised that it is the white narcissus I bought last week that smells. Of wee-wee. Of pee. Eurgh!

It's getting worse so I'm going to get rid of it. It'll have to go outside. Flowers grow outside. It can thrive outside, smelling of wee. Outside. And I won't have to worry about smelling of wee. Not yet anyway. Phew!

Oh Oh Oh!

2011-01-24T10:32:00.002Z

Have I told you that Miss E & I
(the Brrrrrides!)
have a blog about it all?!

I need a Nerd

2011-01-24T10:02:00.006Z

I call them Nerds in a loving way because I need them and I love them and I am one myself but not in this particular area. The area I am talking about is, of course, computers. Horrible, evil* and nasty things when they're not working how they should or do what I want them to do or not to do.**

At my old [perfect and wonderful in every single way] job in Sweden I had the computer techs sitting in an office right next to where my desk was. It was great! All I had to do was swear a little and one of them would call out "Do you need us, Emma?" and I'd whimper "Yeeeeees, pleeeeeeease!!" and then they'd come and fix whatever was needed. Not only where they good at it but they were funny and constantly took the piss out of me but it was just another reason to like them even more and the main tech guy is definitely one of those I miss the most from there...

Oh my, am I digressing or what? I guess it's because I signed my letter of resignation this past weekend and though it's from a job I'm not too bothered about, it makes me miss my old job all the more...***

Anyway, I need a computer nerd to help me as there is something I just don't understand and it makes me annoyed and impatient. Never mind - I'll have to ask Boyfriend when he comes home tonight (at 9pm). Although I would have liked to get it done NOW when the Little Man is having his morning snooze. I'll just do some laundry instead. The joys of a Mom at Home ;)

* I swear that they have a conscious mind and are just waiting to mess with me. Evil, I say. They're E V I L!! I love this computer though (please don't punish me for saying computers are Evil!!)
**auto-correct or whatever it is called just pisses me off immensely
*** We don't talk about my experience as a teacher here in England. Those were the worst 6 months of my life.

I've Done It!

2011-01-20T10:24:00.002Z

I'm not going back. Just told them. Will miss some people. Will not miss some other people. Will miss adult interaction. Will not miss being treated like a child. Will miss the banter between calls. Will not miss the ban on/dislike of banter between calls. Will miss talking to some really nice and funny customers/RMs. Will miss the money going in to my account. Will not miss out on Baby N and he is what is important here.

I will work again, at some point.

Double Yuck

2011-01-17T20:00:00.003Z

You know when you see something so wrong and disgusting that you actually quite like it or at least liking it enough to buy it as a gift for someone else (as you'd rather move than sharing a house with said item).

Today's Double Yuck is the Ketchup Spread Head....
Picture found and borrowed from here.

Competition

2011-01-17T14:43:00.002Z

I have entered Miss E's competition to win some Cliniderm products. Why not enter?*

*Miss E might just chose participants living in Sweden (you'd understand if you knew what the Swedish Posten charge!) but it never hurts to try.

Lust

2011-01-11T20:11:00.004Z

I am sure the materialistic part of my life life would be absolutely perfect if only I had this Linen Quilt with Velvet Border. Come to me, my Precious!!

Picture and Quilt from Lombok

Nanny?

2011-01-10T15:14:00.003Z

I've had a request forwarded on by my mom, asking me if a girl (my brother's friend's little sister) could come and help out with Baby N this coming summer.

I don't know how I feel about that. I can only remember her as being a little 4 year old girl in pigtails and though I know she's older now it still feels abit odd. Sort of like hearing that Macaulay Culkin is older than Boyfriend who is the father of my child!*

Something to think about as there are pros and cons to it.

*I only picture MC as the little boy in Home Alone so this is the type of knowledge I'd like not to know...

In Which There Has Been A Coma

2010-12-31T14:09:00.002Z

... at least when it comes to blogging here. We've had our first Christmas as a family of three!! Baby N was an awesome addition to the celebrations and I [we] just couldn't stop looking at him.* He was a bit poorly, Bless him, but managed to enjoy the wrapping paper.

Boyfriend was off work for loads of days and it was so fantastic to be spending so much time with both my boys that anything and everything else became secondary.

Then the washing machine broke. Lots of words that should not be said were. Several times.

A New Year is knocking on the door and though I am looking forward to it for so many reasons, I cannot help but feeling a bit melancholic about leaving 2010 behind. 2010 gave me the love of my life and changed my life forever and for the better. 2011 will be good though as every day is a new day with Baby N and Boyfriend.

I wish you all a very Happy New Year!

xxx

*We've become "that" type of parents where we're tiptoeing up in the evenings just to sneak a peek or watch photos of him when he's asleep...

Bloggaholic?

2010-12-20T19:18:00.000Z

You can also find me

here

Busy Bee - That's Me

2010-12-15T22:18:00.002Z

I know, I know... how on earth can I be busy when I'm at home with an 8 month old who basically sits where I put him until I pick him back up again - or until he loses his balances and topples over. But, let me tell you, I am busy!

The Little Man keeps me busy even if he's on the floor playing with a toy ... or his own toes. It's sort of the same thing to him. and I have stuff to do for the wedding, christmas presents (to wrap), keep the house presentable, cook, go for walks, laundry, grocery shopping.........

AAAAaaaaaaaarrrrrrgh!

Please bear with me while I try to organize myself and get to the bottom of the "to do"-list. I'll get there. Soon. I've got to. Dear God, I really hope so!

Right Now

2010-12-13T19:46:00.001Z

Goodness me! I am Freeeeeeezing!

For where thou art, there is the world itself

2010-12-13T13:47:00.002Z

The Little Man has moved into his own room and guess who cried when she saw The Love of Her Life sit in his cot when we'd moved it? Yup, that's right. Me! He looked more like a "boy" than a "baby" and it hit me that he's growing up so fast. Soon he'll be off to Uni.

He doesn't have any problem going to sleep in his nursery. It's a lot cosier than our room and warmer. He does seem to get a bit upset if he wakes up in the middle of the night but it's probably because it looks different to what he's used to. And he doesn't hear us as easily.

This morning he woke up at 5-ish so Boyfriend put him in our bed where Baby N quickly fell asleep with his forehead pressed agains mine and a fist full of my hair - you learn how to snooze and to be very still - and this is how we were until 7.30! And after a nice big bottle of formula he was happy stay and cuddle until 8am when we felt the lie-in had gotten a bit too indulgent!

I know I moan about sleepless nights and it it very tiring to have a baby but it's the best thing that's ever happened to me and there are no words to try and explain the love for this tiiiny human being who, despite his size, has characteristics and opinions just like a full grown person. Baby N is my World and my Love.

That Victoria...

2010-12-10T18:46:00.002Z

You know, Victoria - the Crown Princess of Sweden... Let me tell you about this girl/woman.

Last winter I found a wedding dress that I really liked, particularly the neckline. It was stunning and I had basically decided that "this is The One!"

And then The Crown Princess has that exact neckline on her wedding dress this past summer. I mean: Aaaaaarghhhhh! Don't get me wrong, she looked absolutely fantastic and it was definitely the right dress for her and it's not like I mind if someone else has that neckline. BUT! Her wearing it means that loads and looooooads of wedding dresses will have that same neckline next summer and that means that I'm out. I don't want my dress to be one of many.

And today, I've just seen a picture of her dress that she's wearing today at the Nobel Prize Ceremony... well. Go Figure! Now, that was another type/model that I've been looking at (obviously only if I were to lose weight first)! So loooads of people will wear a dress that will look like hers.

Back to square one. But I'm also looking at it in a positive way. Surely it must mean that my taste is exquisite and very expensive. Yup, that's how I see it.